The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 17

"Oh.  My.  God."  she pants as I roll off and curl into her side.

"What love?"  I ask innocently.

"3 orgasms in less than 10 minutes.  On top of the 6 from the last 2 hours.  Arizona, as much as i love this, you have got to quit hiding behind mind blowing sex."

'Ugh!'  "I'm not hiding."

"Yes you are."  Her warm brown eyes lock with my blue ones,  and the world melts away.  'Why am I hiding?  It's Calliope.  Why would I hide from Calliope?'  

"It's just..."  I trail off.

"What is it babe?"

"Teddy."  I sigh

"What about her Hun?"

"She.. Um..  She uh..  She doesn't.."  I don't know how to tell her.  'How do you tell the love of your life, that your best friend is jealous of the intimate relationship you have?'  "She doesn't want me to be with you.."

"Why?"

"She um.. She wants me to be with..  Um.. With her."

Her eyes darken and facial features harden.  She starts to get out of bed but I grab her hand, tugging her back.  "Where are you going?" I ask, worried the answer is going to be "To go kick Teddy's ass!"  

"I'm going to the bathroom, calm down."  I slowly release her hand, and she goes to the bathroom.

I can't sit still.  I'm still upset about Teddy, and the energy is starting to eat away at my insides;  the feeling of depression setting back in.  I sigh when I see the time, 2:50, and  walk over to my dresser, stripping out of the clothes I have on and redressing in running shorts, a tank top, and my puma running shoes.  I usually care about all my scars, but today all I care about is not making any more.  Callie is still in the bathroom, so i grab my phone, head phones, and house key, and slip out the door.  'I'll text here when i get out of here.'  

When I get down to the road and stretch while I send Callie a quick text:

Gone for a run, Love.  BBS.  DO NOT kill Teddy!!  --A  

I don't wait for a reply before I take off running.  About 5 blocks down my lungs are burning.  'God I need to run more.  I'm way outta shape.'  So i slow to a brisk walk.  'How the hell did this happen?  GOD DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT!?'  I scream at myself, and tears start to fill my eyes.  'Stop crying, you fucking attention whore.'  Her word came rushing back to me, making me sprint the fastest I've sprinted in a very long time.  All the memories of my past fly at me like gunshots.   I can't avoid them anymore.  I have to fix them.  I run harder and faster.  My lungs and limbs burn like never before, but i keep running.  I need to keep running.  I run and run, but before I know it I'm back at the apartment.  'I can't be back yet.'  and I keep running.  I make the mile loop two more times before i even think about stopping, but i don't.  I keep running.

4 miles.

5 miles.

At about 5 and a half miles, I've finally had enough and walk the last half mile to the apartment.  I can't feel my legs, my chest feels like its being crushed, and just when I think it cant get worse i'm over the grass puking.  I puke, and puke, and just when I think i'm done, I puke some more.  'I haven't ran that hard in years.'  is all i can think right now.  When I finally finish puking, I walk the remaining 100 yards to my apartment building.  'I need water, and to make sure Teddy's still alive, but first water, and maybe a shower?'  

No sooner do i step in the door I'm bombarded my a million questions.

"What the hell?"  Callie.

"Where'd you go?"  Maura.

"Is that vomit?"  Callie.

"Are you okay?"  Callie.

"Zona?"  Maura.

I ignore them all, and go to the kitchen sink, rinsing my face and mouth before grabbing a bottle of water from the pantry, and drinking it as slowly as possible.  I look at the clock on the stove,  4:15.  'Damn, an hour and 25 minutes, with walking and puking?!'  I'm shocked to say the least.

"Arizona Jessica Robbins!  Look at me!"  Maura yells, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I glare at her,  "What Maura!?  What the hell do you people want!?  I went for a fucking run!  Is that illegal or something?  Because I don't fucking care!  I wanted to run, so i did!   God fucking damn!"  I don't know why I snap, but i do.

"Will you people calm down out here!"   Teddy yells coming out of her room.

We all turn and stare at her.

"What?  Just because I'm in my room doesn't mean your obnoxious yelling cant be heard."

"Well maybe there wouldn't be yelling if you hadn't--" Callie starts before i cut her off.

"Drop it!  It doesn't matter!"  All eyes turn to me.

Teddy tries to speak, "Yes it--"

"No.  It doesn't."  I cut her off too.  "Calliope, you are the love of my life, but Theodora, you're my soul mate.  I can't choose between you two.  So you're just going to have to suck it up and get along.  Teds we will never be more than friends,  and I'm sorry,  but it's not gonna happen.  That doesn't mean I love you any less.  If anything it means I love you more, because I wouldn't risk our friendship.  Callie, she is and always will be my best friend, I'm going to be close to her, and things like this are going to happen, just.. bear with me, please.  Because if I lose you, ,or her, I will die.  Now if you will all excuse me, I just ran 6 miles in about an hour, so i am going to go take a shower.  I expect you to all be alive and friendly when i get out."  And with those final words i walk into my room and shut the door.