The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 12

It's all I can do not to speed back to the apartment.  As i pull into the driveway I see Maura's car, but not Teddy's, hopefully Maura will be in the apartment not out with Teddy.  I pull into a parking spot, turn the car off, grab the keys, and run up the 2 flights of stairs to mine, Teddy, and Maura's 3rd story apartment, 502.  

I run through all the rooms for any sign of my best friends, but apparently they left together.  "Well damn." I sigh and head to my bedroom to shower and get dressed.

I glance at my alarm clock on my way past,  3:46.  '3 hours. Okay.  I can do this.  Shower first, Zona.'   I don't know why I'm freaking out so much, it's just dinner.  With Calliope.  We've had dinner before, this isn't anything to freak out about.  "It's just dinner with Calliope."  I say out loud as I turn the bathroom light on.

There's still rules about shutting doors so I leave both my bedroom door and my bathroom door open while I shower.  Not even 5 minutes into the shower I hear the girls come home.

"ARIZONA JESSICA! Those doors better be open!"  Teddy yells.

I laugh, "NO! I know why you two really want the doors open! You just want to see me naked!  I know Im hot,  but still.  So I've shut and locked all the doors." 

*silence*

"Guys?"

*silence*

"Guys I was kidding!  The doors are open."

*silence*

"Teddy?  Maur--"  I'm cut off my the opening of the shower curtain and the flashing of cameras.  "WHAT THE FUCK!?" I yell, trying to cover my body.  The girls are almost on the floor they're laughing so hard.  "SERIOUSLY!? WHAT THE FUCK!?  ARE YOU TWO FUCKING CRAZY!?"  I'm turn the water off, before anymore gets on the floor, and cover myself with the shower curtain.

"You're right Sweetie.  You are hot."  Teddy laughs as she shows me one of the pictures.

"FUCKING DELETE THEM! NOW!"

"Calm your tits, Zona.  We're gonna delete them.  We don't want your nakedness on out phones.  Do we Teddy?"

*silence*

"Teddy?"

*more silence*

"Teddy?" Maura nudges her.

"Oh, um.. Yeah. Of course we'll delete them.  Why would we want your nudes?" She tries, and fails, to sound convincing.

"They better get fucking deleted."

"They will." Maura replies.

"Good. Now will you two get out so I can finish showering, I have a date tonight." I wink.

"A date?" Teddy's eyes snap from her phone to my face, "With who?"

'What the hell is her problem?' "Calliope." A smile spreads across my face at the thought of the Latina goddess.

"Really?" Teddy's voice is flat and emotionless, almost like she's mad about it.

"Yeah really. She came and saw me after therapy today and she asked me to go to dinner with her tonight.  And I said yes." 

"What makes you think that's a good idea?"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean, Teddy?"

"I don't think she's good for you.  All she seems to do is hurt you! Why do you keep going back to her?"  Teddy practically yells at me.

"What the fuck is your problem today?" I yell back.  "This is supposed to be the part where you're happy that I'm finally getting what I want most in this fucked up world I'm stuck in!"

"I.. I just.. Never mind.  Do whatever you want.  I'm so fucking happy for you." she says and walks out the door.

I look at Maura.  "What is her problem?"

"Its...um...it's not my place to tell you.  You're gonna have to get her to tell you.  Sorry dear." She gives me an apologetic look before she too leaves.

'What the fuck?'  I have no idea what all that was about, but I don't have time to try and figure it out now.  I re-shut the shower curtain and turn the water back on, trying not to think about Teddy's words.  But I can't help it, and soon the memories come flooding back..

---Flashback to beginning of Senior Year---

"Calliope!" I call through the crowed hallway, but she can't hear me.  'Ugh, Calliope.'  I've decided that today is the day I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend.  We've been avoiding labels for a year, and i'm sick of it.

She's leaning back against her locker and a blonde girl is standing in front of her.  It's not until I get closer that I recognize the blonde. 'What the fuck!?'

"Hey Cal,  can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask, as calmly as I can.

"Can't you see she's busy?" Erica turns around and glares at me.  I return the glare.

"Babe, it's fine. I'll just be a sec." Callie says letting go of Erica's hand and kissing her as she walks around her to me.

"What's up Zo?"

"Really!?  'What's up Zo?' You really have to ask that!? What the fuck Cal, I though you were done with that bitch?" I snap.

She looks shocked. "Az, let me explain."

"Don't you dare 'Az' me!  You said you were done with her! You said you didn't work, that you hate how she acts, and that she's manipulative, and that you were dont with her.  Remember? Last summer? After you found me in Walmart? You said you were done with her."

"Well I changed my mind.  We've been talking for a few months, just as friends, and she's changed.  She's the girl I fell in love with again."

"You're kidding right?"

"No.  Arizona, she's different now. She isn't going to hurt me again."

"I cant fucking believe this." I laugh to stop myself from crying.  "And to think I was going to ask If you would be my girlfriend.  I can't FUCKING believe this!" I yell.

"Arizona calm down, please." She reaches out and grabs my arm, But i quickly pull away.

"Don't fucking touch me."  Tears form in her eyes at my words, "I can't fucking believe this!"  I yell as I run out of the school and to my car.  My eyes are full of tears and my vision is so blury I can barely see.  'Why?  Why does she keep going back?  Can't she see how much I love her?  Can't she see that I'd never hurt her?  Why can't I be good enough for her?  Why'  When i get to my car i quickly get in and start it, I'm in no position to drive, but I have to get away from here.  I can't stay here any more.  I feel like dying.

As i drive down the road, to nowhere in particular, I cry even harder and my vision worsens.  About 5 miles away from the school there's a place the locals call "Look-Out Cliff."  Its about 2 miles above the town level and has a 50 foot drop off at the edge of the parking area.  I've been here many times, and looked over the edge.  I've almost jumped too many times to count, but today...today is different.  Today I'll do it.