The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 15

I wake up to the smell of coffee, bacon, and waffles.  'Oh shit.  It's Saturday.'   When we moved into the apartment,  the three of us decided that Saturdays would be dedicated to our friendship.  They start with breakfast together,  and then the weather determines what we do.  They're supposed to be all day events, since we we're rarely home all together and barely see each other during the week.

I glance at the clock,  9:13.  'Shit.  I'm late.'  I try to get out of bed, but Callie pulls me closer.  'Awe.'  "Calliope."  I whisper.  She groans in response.  "Baby, I have to get up.  Teddy and Maura are gonna kill me for not being at breakfast already."  I say kissing the end of her nose.  

She opens her eyes slightly,  "No.  Stay."

I giggle at her almost non-coherent plea.  "I can't love.  I wish i could."  A pout forms on her perfect lips and I can't resist kissing them.  She moans and pulls me on top of her.  "Baby I have to get up."  I say breaking the kiss.

"Ugh. Fine.  Whatever."

"I love you.  And I'd stay if I could but I can't."  I roll off her and the bed and head to my dresser.  I pull on some yoga pants and a tank top and walk out the door.  Before I shut it i Look back and smile, when i see that shes already sound asleep again.

I walk into the kitchen to see Teddy and Maura already half done with their breakfast, sitting at the bar.  "Morning."  I say, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Mhm."  Teddy comments,  'What the fuck is her problem?'  

"Hey dear.  Have fun this morning?"  Maura tries, and fails, to suppress a laugh.

"Um.. yeah."  I smile as memories of Callie squirming underneath me fill my mind.

Teddy pushes her stool away from the bar, grabs her empty plate and cup, practically throws them in the sink, and storms off to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I look at Maura, who shakes her head and says,  "Not telling.  Ask yourself."  Before she also puts her dishes in the sink, and goes to her bedroom to get dressed.  Before shutting her door she calls back to me, "Don't forget it's your turn to do the dishes."

Sighing i pop a piece of bacon in my mouth and begin to wash the few dishes in the sink.  I finish in less than 15 minutes, and decide to take a plate into Callie.

I enter my bedroom to find her, once again, sprawled across the entire bed.  I laugh, and decide not to wake her, instead laying  the plate f food and cup of coffee on the nightstand beside her.

'I guess I need to go talk to Teddy.'

*Knock Knock Knock.*

"Teddy?"

"What!?"  She snaps. 'Is she crying?'  

"Teds, can I come in?   We need to talk."  I coax.

"Just go away, Arizona."

"No.  Teds we need to talk."

"I don't wanna talk.  Just forget about it, okay!"

'Ugh.  Why is everyone in my life so fucking difficult!?'  I try to open the door, but it's locked.  'God fucking damn!  I have a fucking key, what the fuck is the point in locking the fucking door?'  I think as I get the key out of the jar in the living room.  I unlock the door and walk in.  "WE ARE GOING TO TALK."

"GO AWAY!  I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! IT'S STUPID!"

"I don't care Teds." I say sitting on the bed next to where she's laying, and she turns her back to me.  "You need to talk about it, because it's not healthy for you or our relationship for you to bottle it all up.  Trust me, been there.  Done that."

She sighs, rolling back to face me.  Her face is tear stained.  "I don't wanna."

"I don't care.  You're going to."  I say, trying to wipe the tears off my face.  Teddy and I have been best friends since 3rd grade.  Through thick and thin, we've never left each other's side.

She sighs.  "You're gonna hate me."

I shake my head in confusion.  "Wha-- hu-- ho--  Te--  What?  Why would I hate you?"

"Because..I--"  She mumbles something completely incoherent into her hands.

"Teddy.  Look at me and actually talk to me." I pull her face from her hands, forcing her to look at me.  "What is wrong?"

"I don't... I... I..."

"Teddy. Seriously just say it already."  My patience are wearing thin, but I don't let it show.

"I don't want you to be with Callie."  She blurts.

'How'd I know that's what this was gonna be about?'  I sigh, "Why not?"

Apparently she finally got over her fear, because she doesn't hesitate before saying, "Because I want you to be with me."

'Wait! What?  Did she really just say that or am I just hearing things!?  Like...WHAT!?!?'  I'm shocked, to say the least.  And apparently it shows, because she starts to back away.

"I told you you'd hate me."  she starts to cry again.

I shake my self out of my thoughts.  "Teds, I don't hate you.  I couldn't ever hate you.  But I don't feel that way about you.  And even if I did, I wouldn't risk our friendship like that.  Im sorry hun, but I couldn't be with you like that." I sigh,  and she cries.  I want to hug her, or something,  I hate seeing her upset.  But I don't know what to do.

"I'm sorry."  she sobs.

"Oh Teddy,  don't be sorry for feelings.  I'm flattered, really, but I just couldn't ever risk what we have.  You're too important to me." I soothe.

"Really, because last time I checked Callie's the only one that can ever help you." she snaps.

"Teddy." my voice gets a defensive and warning tone.  "Don't.  You're upset.  I get it.  But you better think before you speak."

"What?  Every time something happens its either because of Callie or Callie's the one we have to call to come help you, because apparently me and Maura don't matter as much to you as you try to make up think we do."

I can't believe what she's saying.  "Teddy, how can you say that?"

"Because it's true!  Just admit it!"

"No!  It's not true!  I love you and Maura!  You're my best friends!"

"Then why is it that everything revolves around Callie!?"

"Because I am IN love with her.  When I picture the rest of my life, it's her I want.  It's her I see marrying, and having kids with, and growing old with.  It is her!  Yes I want you and Maurs in my life too, but its Calliope's arms that I want to fall asleep in and Calliope that I want to wake up next to.  And I'm sorry that that hurts you, but that's how I see my future.  And that's why she can help.  Because she's the one I want forever."

"Wow." Teddy deadpans.  "So glad that I've been your best fucking friend for almost 12 years."

"Teddy I didn't say I don't want you in my life!  I just said the Callie's THE one!  I want you and Maura in my wedding, and spoiling my kids, and playing bingo with me when I'm old and senile,  but I want Callie as my life."

"Whatever.  Will you get out."

"Teddy--"

"I said get out!" she cuts me off.

I can't help but cry as i run out of her room and to my own, running into Callie, whose on her way out.

"Baby, what's wrong?  Why are you crying?"  she asks, concern flooding her eyes and voice.

I wrap my arm around her neck and just sob on her shoulder.

"Arizona?  Baby, what's wrong?"  she tries to comfort me, but for once it doesn't help.

She carefully slips her arms around my shoulders and under my legs, lifting me off the ground and carrying me to the bed, setting me on the edge.  She tries to stand back up, but I won't let go of her neck.  So instead she picks me back up and sets me closer to the middle of the bed crawling in beside me and just holding me as I cry.