The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 13

Standing on the edge of the cliff I look down at the ledge below.  'Just do it ZoZo.  It's not like anyone will care anyways.'  I sigh, and go back to my car.  I find a pen and a piece of paper and begin to write my suicide note.

If you're reading this it's too late.  You'll find my body on the ledge below the cliff, I wish to be laid beside my brother.  He meant the world to me, and without him I feel like there's no point in living.

To my Parents: Barbra and Daniel "the Colonel" Robbins.  I love you two so much and I'm so sorry for all that I put you through.  You were the best parents a girl could ask for, and I wish I could have been the daughter you deserved.

To Teddy and Maura:  Girls, words can't describe how I feel about you two.  You've been by my side through thick and thin.  When everyone else deserted me, you stayed.  Thank you for staying, thank you for being my best friends.  You two are perfect, and don't ever let anyone tell you other wise.  I love you guys.

And finally to Calliope:  I never really told you how I feel about you.  You are beautiful, and amazing, and kind, and I'm pretty sure you are the love of my life.  People say "You're too young to really know what love is" but I do know what love is... Love is you.  You are the only person that could make me really happy, even in the deepest depths of my depression.  You always seemed to disappear, but you'd be back the moment I needed you the most, and you'd make it all better.  I know you're going to blame yourself for this, but don't.  I've considered this so many times since Tim died,  today just happened to be the day I found the courage to go through with it.  I love you so, so much Calliope, I always have and always will.  Please find it in that amazing heart of yours, to forgive me for this. Good-Bye Love.

I never wanted to hurt anyone, but that's all I seem to do. So I'm taking an important factor out of that equation...me.  Good-Bye world.

XOXO-  Arizona Jessica Robbins.

By the time i finish, the paper is covered in tears.  I put it on the driver's seat of my car under the keys and walk back to the edge of the cliff.  The drop doesn't seem too far, but I know its far enough to kill me.  As i begin to step over the edge, I hear the crunching of rocks under tires and look back to see Calliope, Teddy, and Maura. 'Shit.'

"Sweetie no!"  Teddy yells.

I stop, "Why not?"

"Because we love you!" Maura cries, "Please don't do the Zona. You can get through this."

"No.  I can't.  I won't.  Good-Bye guys.  I love all 3 of you more than words can describe." And with that i step off the cliff.

"Arizona!!" they all yell in unison, and that's the last thing I hear before the sound of my bones breaking.

---End Flashback---

I can't breath, I'm crying so hard.  And somehow I've ended up in a ball in the back corner of the tub, just out of the spray of water.  I can feel the pain I endured from my suicide attempt.  All my bone, my head, my lungs, everything hurts.  I cry even harder.  I try to shut the water off, but it hurts too much to move.  I try to yell for help but not sound comes out.  All i can do is cry.

I don't know how long I've been crying, but finally Maura comes in.  "Zos, you've been in here for like, ever.  Don't you think you should get out?"

I just cry.

"Zos?" she pulls back the curtain.  "Oh my god Arizona!" she quickly turns off the water.  "TEDDY!!! HELP!! QUICKLY!!"  She screams, and before I know it Teddy is beside her, and they're trying to get me out of the tub.

"Sweetie, you need to work with us." 

I tried to tell them 'I can't' but i just couldn't, the pain was too much.

"Call Callie."  Maura instructed.

"Why?"

"Because Teddy, you and I both know shes the only one that will be able to help."

Teddy sighed, grabbed my phone off the counter, and handed it to Maura.  "I can't. You have to."

The call is short, and Callie is here before i know it.  "What happened!?" she says rushing to the tub.  I can feel her arms around me, as she lifts me out of the tub.  I can feel a towel that either Teddy or Maura drapes over me.  I can feel Callie lay me on my bed.  It all hurts.

"Arizona, baby look at me." Callie soothes, and I open my eyes.  I see her flawless face.  Her warm brown eyes are pleading for me to snap out of it, and I wish I could.  But I can't seem to.  It all hurts so much.  I close my eyes again.  "Az, no baby, stay with me. Look at me, Hun.  That's better.  Now baby, you need to focus on me.  There you go.  It's okay babe, you're safe.  You're safe.  I'm here."

I focus on her and her words, for almost an hour before the pain finally stops.  When I can move again I quickly wrap myself around Callie.  "Thank you." I sob.

"Shh.  You're welcome baby." she says kissing the top of my head.   "I love you."

"I love you more, Calliope."