desolation (phan)

ten

"I believe you."

Dan, after struggling to breathe for so long, felt like he could finally breathe again. After being denied so many times, being told he was insane and seen as some kind of danger- someone finally believed him. Believed in him.

Detective Ramos- Alice- stood in front of him. It was one in the morning and Dan had not slept. They were in a back room at the office, lights menacing like the situation. Their conversation was seered through whispers, and Dan told her everything.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" He stares at her, her eyes wide- full of an infusion of terror and relief. "You think he's real?"

"It's possible. We haven't found him in forever, Daniel, it'd make sense if it were because his body wasn't staying in one spot."

"But what do you think is wrong with him?"

"That- that I can't pinpoint. You have to find someone else that knows him well- besides yourself."

Dan winced. Always had he been praised and playfully teased for being Phil's walking inbox. He knew everything about him, physically and emotionally, and he never grew tired of learning about his best friend. About his boyfriend.

He stopped to think about who might know him. The answer came quickly.

His parents.

Dan hadn't seen them since Phil's funeral, nor heard from them. He felt like it was wrong to try and talk to them, like he was some kind of walking ghost of their missing son. A shattered reflection in the mirror of their child.

But this he had to do. He went to the door, turning and looking at Alice. "I need you to come with me. I can't be alone anymore. And bring your gun."

"What, am I supposed to shoot you if all goes wrong?" She attempted to joke.

"No," Dan held onto the doorknob, fist clenching. He turned away from her. "Shoot him."

A deafening silence pierced between the pair after those two words, the overwhelming sense of reality settling in. This was a relationship where it was no longer comfort and safety. It was fear and danger.

Alice and Dan went to her car, no one questioning their frantic exit. It was a long drive, or at least it felt like it with Dan's thoughts flooding his mind and drowning all potential contentment.

Pulling into the driveway of the Lester's made Dan's ability to swallow disappear. Memories of the two coming here for the holidays or weekends rang through his head, giving him a headache.

Alice noticed his anxiety and put a hand to his shoulder, and he flinched. She hesitantly removed her hand, smiling halfheartedly. "You ready?"

"Never was."

Dan takes a breath and the two stepped out of her car, and Dan is the first to reach the door. He knocks, the familiar noise sounding so much louder to his ears.

Phil's mother peeks through his window, her blue eyes meeting Dan's bloodshot ones. He watched her tense and she opened the door, slowly, as if she didn't know what he'd do.

"Dan Howell. . ." She breathed out, the word scraping off her tongue, like a test.

"Mrs. Lester. . ." He smiled sadly. He didn't realize how much he missed his second family until now. They were always so welcoming, so grateful for Dan being in Phil's life. The door swung open and Mrs. Lester threw herself at him, hugging him close- close as if it were her own son returning. She began sobbing immediately, clinging to him as if he had gone missing too. Really, he might as well have been.

As he held the smaller woman, her husband appeared in the doorway and his mouth opened. "Dan," he said, a shocked smile revealing itself as he joined the hug. "Please come in."

Alice and Dan entered the house, and Dan introduced. "This is Detective Ramos. We- we need to talk to you about something."

Mrs. Lester nodded them over to the livingroom couch, the married couple sitting on the one parallel. Their hands automatically intertwined, and Dan's eyes moved from their fingers to the pictures that hung on the walls. Still, there were so many pictures of Phil, still so many pictures of their family.

"Phil is-"

"Still missing," Dan cut in. Alice gave him a look of confusion. He wasn't ready to tell them he was alive. They didn't deserve to have their broken glass shattered even more. He'd just ask questions and leave. "But we have questions."

Alice sighed, a sign that she'd let him do the talking.

"Of course." Mrs. Lester forced a smile, eyes tired and weak, seeming like they drowned in her tears long ago, now just corpses.

"I-" Dan tried. He didn't even know what to ask. "Can I see photo albums of him?" Honestly it had no relevance to the situation, but he wanted, even if for a second, to pretend like he wasn't losing his mind. He wanted to pretend like it was the holidays again, and Phil was next to him blushing and pouting as his parents and Dan went through baby photos of him.

They both nodded and Mr. Lester disappeared for a quick second.

"Do you mind if I wander around?" Alice spoke.

"Please, make yourself at home." Mrs. Lester told her. Alice gave Dan a look, a look saying I hope I'll find something that will help. And Dan's look replied, me too.

Mr. Lester returned and the couple moved to sit on either side of the brunette man, placing the books in his hand. They went through it and he laughed and cried as they went through photos of his beloved. So many of him smiling, and so many of them together, Dan and Phil, just like it always was. Finally they reached the end of all the books, and Dan came to a torn photograph.

"What's this?" His pale and slender fingers picked it up, and his newfound focus sent him a punch to his gut. "I -. . ." He heard Alice reenter the room, but he remained frozen.

It was the missing piece from the photo he had found in Phil's evidence back at their house. The ripped photo of their family, a person cut out. This was the person- but it was Phil. It was Phil, even though there was already one in the original photograph.

"That's Peter," Mr. Lester began hesitantly. "Phil's twin."