desolation (phan)

seven

Dan was eating breakfast with Phil when the doorbell rang. They both tensed up. They exchanged glances and Dan whispered at him to go hide, and Phil obliged, running into the closet.

Dan took a breath, setting his bowl of cereal down before going to the door. His hands shook as he looked through the peephole, seeing his parents.

"What the hell?" Dan mumbled to himself. He made it clear he wanted no communication with anyone from his past. However he opened the door, meeting his parents' worried faces. "What are you doing here?"

"Your therapist called us," his mom began, desperate eyes and an awkward smile. "He said you haven't been acting right, more than usual. He's worried and we are too, you never return our calls so your father and I decided to just come see you. Thank God you're okay."

She pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly. Dan let himself be hugged, but uneasiness still led his thoughts. Then his dad pulled him in, patting his back and ruffling his hair after pulling away. Dan looked at his parents with big eyes. They looked older, sick even, and Dan knew it was his fault. The dark circles, the messy hair- it was all stress he caused.

"You can't. . ." Dan swallowed, hating he had to tell them to leave. Truthfully he missed them, he was just hard-headed and scared. He couldn't let anyone close again. "You can't be here."

"Dan, don't say that. Please, it's been so long- we tried to give you time to cope but we're your family," Dan's father countered, the two letting themselves in. Dan numbly moved out of their way, shutting the door after them. His mom eyed the second bowl of cereal on the table before looking at him.

"Two bowls? Have you found someone?" His mother said, hopefulness in her tone. Dan hurriedly picked up the bowls, setting them in the kitchen.

"No! Just wanted to. . . eat two different brands at the same time. . ." Dan excused awkwardly. His parents slowly nodded, not believing him but not pushing it any further. "Tea?" When his parents agreed, he busied himself making them their drinks.

"So you're going to therapy. That's good," his mum began, sitting on the couch. "That's really good."

Dan just nodded, giving them their tea then sitting in the chair diagonal to the sofa. His dad took a seat next to his mum. Mrs. Howell's eyes were watery- not enough to spill tears but enough to sparkle with sadness. "I️m sorry, it's just a lot." She dismissed herself, waving her hand before wiping her eyes. "We love you, you know that?"

"I know," Dan said, and he really did know. He just hated that it was true, he hated how much pain he threw onto them. "I love you guys too." Just then there was a noise from the closet, where Phil hid. Dan's parents went quiet, giving their son a look.

"Dan, seriously, is someone here?" Mrs. Howell questioned, standing. "It's completely okay if that's the case, we want you to be happy."

Dan paused. He could lie and say no, but it'd just worried his parents more. He could say yes, but tell them he wasn't ready to introduce them yet. That plan could work- they'd leave him alone about it. So Dan mentally crossed his fingers and replied.

"Okay, yes. Yes I have someone I️m kind of seeing. But I️m not ready to introduce them yet, okay? Please just leave it alone and do not tell anybody. Anybody at all."

His mum gave him a worried eye before sighing, petting the side of his arm. "How are you doing, Dan? You aren't gonna do anything bad right? Phil meant a lot to us too and we can't lose you too."

Dan gulped, throat suddenly feeling dry. Was he suicidal? That wouldn't make any sense though, would it? Phil was back, he should be happy. He should wanna be alive. But something felt off. He couldn't honestly answer, so he just leaned his head on his mum's shoulder.

"You can always move back with us if you want. We hate you being alone here."

"I'll be okay," he told them. His dad flashed him a soft smile. "Thank you though. Maybe I'll come visit." He hated saying maybe, but he couldn't make promises.

After a bit of talking and then finishing up their tea, they told him they'd leave him alone for now. That he could call them whenever he needed, even just to say hello, and that they loved him. But the worst part was when his father brought up his old friends- told him they all missed him and asked about him whenever they could.

He shut the door on their way out, standing there wallowing in his sadness for a bit. He didn't realize how much he missed his friends until now. He was ready to sit in self-pity for the rest of the night when Phil appeared from hiding.

"Hey-" Dan began softly, but Phil was anything but melancholy. He was angry.

"You told them you're with someone?"

"They were curious and it was pretty obvious. That doesn't mean they know it's you, don't worry," Dan murmured, grabbing the empty bowls of cereal and heading to put them in the dishwasher.

"I gave you one simple rule. I told you never to tell anyone I️m here," Phil said, eyes suddenly dark. Dan stepped back.

"I didn't," the brunette shot back, glaring. "I️ said someone is here. Phil, even if I wanted to tell someone you came back, they wouldn't believe me."

"It doesn't fucking matter!" Phil shouted, making Dan jump as he smacked the glass bowls out of his hand. They hit the floor with a clash, glass shattering around their feet. Dan stood in shock, trembling with his lips parted.

His fear morphed into envy, and he gritted his teeth. His eyes locked with Phil's as he hissed,

"I liked you better when you were missing."

He regretted it as soon as he said it, but honestly it wasn't entirely a lie. Phil just stared at him with big eyes, hard to read. Dan shook his head, clenching his fists because releasing and giving up as he stormed into his bedroom. He slammed his door shut, sitting and leaning against it.

As he sat, he felt something hard poke him and found his phone in his pocket. He pulled it out, eyeing it before making a decision. He scrolled through his contacts, hitting one and sending a message that read:

I need to talk to you.