I'm Not Your Mockingjay

Three

Chapter Three

Many people here have tried talking to me. I try my best to listen, but eventually, their voice just begins to sound like the clicks from the insects in the 11 o'clock zone in the arena. I have to walk away before I begin to scream. I feel bad when I cut someone off or when I don't respond, but there's nothing else I can think to do.

As I walk away from a conversation, like usual, a hand grabs my shoulder and pulls me to a stop. "Peeta, you are wanted in Command. This is not an option." He says.

Boggs. He's known around here as President Coin's right hand man, at least, that's how I see him. He's always at her side and is quick to defend her during any quarrels in Command. As much as I want to trust him, I feel like I can't trust anyone from here.

"What are we going to discuss this time? How worthless I've been so far?" I ask, my voice coming out cold and hard.

He takes a deep breath, his blue eyes studying me. Boggs can't be much over 40. His hair is clean cut, reminding me of the haircuts given to the Peacekeepers or anyone going off to war. When Boggs isn't with Coin, I've seen him in occasion holding a young boy. But, that's rare.

"You haven't been worthless. We're still trying to work everything out," he says. "And we won't be discussing any plans. There's something you need to see."

"Well, that's a first," I say, making him slightly smile. He turns on his heels and waves for me to follow. Having nothing else to do, I jog to his side and walk with him.

We hop into an elevator that reminds me of the ones in the Capitol, only these are nothing in comparison. The ones in the Capitol were fast and appealing to the eye. These ones make me think of the elevators that take our miners deep into the earth. Whenever we went on the trips to the mines in school, I always got extremely sick. But I couldn't let anyone else know but Delly. So I just sucked it up and went along with the school. I've never liked the idea of so much weight above you, able to crush you at any moment.

My chest begins to burn and my breathing quickens. My stomach is flipping and I hold in the urge to scream. I repeatedly tell myself over and over again that I'm totally fine, but the room seems to get smaller and smaller. I pull my arms against my body and feel myself trembling.

I probably look like a coward.

But if I do, Boggs doesn't say so. He stares forward, watching levels float past us as we go farther down until it stops. The door opens and I basically run out. Once I'm out, I take slow deep breaths, trying to calm my rapid heartbeat.

Boggs ignores me again, continuing on our mission to Command. I catch up to him, trying to understand how to feel about him. "Claustrophobic?" He suddenly asks, making me jump.

"If that means extremely uncomfortable in elevators, then yes," I say, making him smile again.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." He says before opening the door.

I decide that I like Boggs and to trust him.

Even if he's so close to Coin.

We went inside the room, a bunch of people gathered around a television screen. It's much fancier than the ones back at home but not as elaborate as the ones in the Capitol. All of their eyes turn and land on us. I scan for Haymitch, but I don't spot him.

"Peeta, you're just in time," Johanna says. "I saved you a spot." She grins, patting a seat beside her. I give her a soft smile then sit beside her.

Gale is on the other side of me and we're not much for words, so we just nod our heads. It's enough so that we each other understand that we acknowledge each other's presence. This way there's no hard feelings, though I know Gale must have some about me. After all, they chose me over Katniss.