Fifth Universe

How do I explain this?

"Do it again," Kai spits, "I beg you. Hurt me until you can't recognise me, beat me until I can't walk. I deserve it, don't I? Don't I deserve to die?"

His words hurt me more than they should. I bite my lip and stare at the floor. I feel like a ghost, Kai looks through me like I'm made of glass.
He does deserve it. He deserves to die.

"You agree, don't you?" Kai mutters. His tone lowers to a small, deep growl. "Why don't you do it yourself? Put me out of my misery."

I've never been tempted like this before. Everything just feels wrong. It's so easy to obey, to listen to someone's command, and do it. I know that it's the Poll that made me this way.

Cautious, I slip Axel's gun from his pocket and load it. The bandage on my hand falls to the floor, revealing my large swollen wound underneath. Kai's bitter laugh overflows in his lungs and spills out in messy joy. I can still see my blood on his teeth in the back of my mind.

I raise the gun to Kai's head. My finger twitches on the trigger. "Yes, yes!" Kai says with utter pleasure. "Shoot me, I beg of you."

I want to. I want to so badly. To get rid of him would be to kill all my problems. Another, raspy voice speaks out in the back of my mind. "Kill her." It says.

The voice belongs to Vivian, when she was commanding Fenix to do the same thing as I'm doing now. "Kill her, or Kai will do it for you."

The last time Fenix pointed a gun at me by choice was when I accidentally entered his room. I remember how shy, and awkward he really is. I was scared of him when we first met, he seemed like the kind of leader who doesn't care about anything, when really he cares more than anyone. He's so young. Too young. He shouldn't have to go through this.

It's Vivian's fault that he's like this. He didn't kill me, but now I try to do the opposite. Every bitter word he says is coming from Vivian. She made him a monster. It's all just computer programming, which gets me thinking... maybe I can override it. I take a deep breath and point the gun at myself, my finger itches on the trigger. I wait for the fit of laughter. I feel it. The loud false joy on Kai's face. I hear nothing but chains moving. My eyesight is a blur.

"Do you care?" I ask him. "Is there anything inside you that cares at all?"

Kai chuckles. His head lowers to face his lap, but his eyes are fixed on me. "No." His response is blunt. "I never did."
How easy it would be to believe him. I push the trigger down, praying he doesn't know it isn't loaded. "Please bring him back to me." I pray.

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Fenix does everything he can to stop me. Kai's laughter died quickly. Faster than I had expected.

Fenix's anxious eyes dart around in confusion. They lock on the gun pointed at my skull, and they widen in panic. "Put that thing down right now young lady!" He growls. I can't even describe how good it feels to have him back.

Relief flushes through my body like a waterfall. He refuses to stop looking around, his eyes full of questions. "Don't you remember any of it?" I ask, in confusion.

Fenix squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. "Not a thing. It all just gets dumped down on me like a truckload. I will in a few minutes."

I can't help but smile. I couldn't be more glad to see him. But part of me is still afraid that Kai will come back. I swallow the thought down with spit and bile.
"Young lady, huh?" Fragile joy continues to pile up in my heart at the sight of him. Fenix came back almost immediately after I pointed the gun at my own head.