A Different Type of Ending

Chapter 12 - Feyre/Rhysand

Feyre

I looked up and my eyes met Jurian's, the shadows were broken and fractured now, scattered across my eyes like clouds in the sky. 
"A question for a question." I said, my voice ever so slightly shaky. He nodded in response and I took a deep breath before I answered. "I knew he was my mate right after the High Lords Meeting. I knew I couldn't leave because I wasn't done here, but I also knew he couldn't possibly accept me after I killed Azriel." Jurian looked at me confused then, and I wasn't completely sure why, until he opened his mouth and asked. 
"Why did you kill Azriel if you are working with them?" Fair enough, I knew the question was bound to some sooner or later. I smirked slightly at him then, a hint of my earlier demeanour starting to come back. 
"I didn't" I answered, my voice steadier now. His eyebrows raised, "He is in the Night Court, preparing for war along with everyone else." Jurian opened his mouth to ask another question, but not before a voice spoke from the corner of the room.
"No I'm not." It growled and as I whipped around Azriel appeared from the shadows a frown plastered on his face. "I thought you were getting better at that." I grinned at him, the first genuine grin in a long time. 
"And I thought you were getting better at being dead." 
"Two shae." He looked over at Jurian, glancing him up and down. "It's been a long time." He said to the male, and Jurian just nodded, his jaw hanging slightly agape. "Why did you tell him?" Az asked, his attention turning back to me. I smirked at him,
"For a spy you're not doing too good are you?" He glared at me and I grinned again, "He works for the Autumn Court, gathering information on me. Interesting little turn of events I will admit, however, we are on the same side side so who does it hurt if he knows. Plus," I added, now looking at Jurian who seemed to have gone as white as a sheet, "I will kill him before he gets the chance to tell." Azriel didn't seem to be focusing on my words anymore though, instead his focus was on the shadows swirling in my eyes. No, not in my eyes, around me now, and I suddenly realised why Jurian had gone as white as a sheet. I closed my eyes and sighed, waiting from the torrent of questions about to explode from Azriel, but they didn't come and when I opened my eyes I saw a look on his face I had never seen before. Something like understanding, something like grim recognition of what was happening to me. 
"What is happening to you?" Jurian asked me, something like horror in his voice. I wasn't surprised, I was scared of myself too, I hated myself too. Perhaps if the shadows just consumed me now I wouldn't have to answer the question, wouldn't have to tell them the story, wouldn't have to tell them the misery I have discovered into the shadows, the misery I bred like a pet. 
"I don't know." I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. I was falling apart inside, so much so that I had refused to let Rhys in, refused to give in to the incessant tapping on my walls that had somehow become a fortress, not to keep him out, but to keep me in. I was stuck, trapped again, just like Under the Mountain. Fear consumed me, crushing my lungs. The darkness was back, sucking me in, into the shadows. They smothered me like a blanket, somehow comforting, somehow terrifying. I couldn't breathe, the shadows around me swirling with the fear, which just terrified me more. I heard Jurian swear under his breath, I heard Azriel talking at me, but I didn't quite hear any of it, only the pounding of my heart in my chest. Fluctuating with every slow and uneven breath. The tears were pouring now, and I was drowning in them. I was feeling dizzy, from a lack of oxygen perhaps, or maybe death had finally decided to do his job, maybe I would finally be rid of the shadows, maybe I would finally get my one true wish, that everyone would finally get their one true wish. That I would disappear. As the darkness consumed my vision I stopped panicking, stopped everything, as I let it take me away. 

Rhysand

I sat with Cassian, both of us staring at the map one more time today. We had been here all day, second guessing every choice, retelling ourselves why it would work. Planning in case it all went wrong, hoping that Azriel would return soon with news of Feyre and the Spring Court. 

Azriel was due back any minute now and he still hadn't arrived, Cassian was pacing the room and I was sitting staring at the floor, once again trying to reach Feyre in the spare minute that I had. If they had gotten Az she would know, I would feel it. Wouldn't I? But I felt something very different, something I felt before and something I never wanted to feel again. Feyre's wall disintegrated into dust and shadows and darkness. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't feel a flood of emotions. I tried to stand but staggered and fell. Cassian swore and rushed over, but I couldn't hear it, couldn't feel anything as he lifted me back into the chair, as he tried to ask me what was wrong. Not again, she couldn't be gone, it would feel different. It would feel like it did Under the Mountain, and it didn't. But my heart stopped all the same, and my whole body felt weak. Because perhaps losing her twice meant it felt different the second time. Cassian was shouting at me now, desperately trying to reach me through the shadows and darkness.

The bond hadn't snapped. Not yet. Through the shadows, I saw it glimmering, like a beacon of hope. I prayed, to whatever gods dared listen in on this damned world, I prayed that I would get to see my mate again. 

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A/N

Hey all, it's been a long time since I have addressed you. Thank you all so much for sticking with the book, thank you all so much for the supportive comments, it has really helped me keep writing. 

I hope you like this chapter, and I hope you continue to enjoy the book despite my distinct lack of a writing pattern :P

Also, just a question, would any of you be interested in me writing my own book after finishing this series and my other books I am currently in the middle of? If so what would you like to read.

Honestly, thank you all so much. Continue to vote, comment, share and enjoy! It means the world to me!