A Different Type of Ending

Chapter 4 - Feyre

Feyre

I don't think anyone quite knew what to do. No one met my gaze, except Tamlin. He looked at me like I was the villain. Perhaps I was, perhaps this was all my fault. Maybe being the villain now was better, considering I had fractured the court beyond repair now. Now they saw the true colours of the male in charge. I had noted one thing about when I had finally admitted what had happened, the shift in the shadows. The shift in the shadows that told me only one thing, Azriel was hear and we needed to talk. I stood from the table, pushing back my chair in the process. I didn't say anything before I left the room, nor did anyone else.

The bravado left my stance as soon as I entered my room and I slouched on the edge of the bed. The shadows were her again, inside my head. They nagged, wrestling for dominance. They were almost a physical thing now. Almost, but not quite, not if I could hold on. 
"What is it this time Az?" He appeared in the corner of the room, letting the shadows fall away from his shoulders. I wish I could do it that easily. 
"Why didn't you tell him?" I scoffed at the question, but it hurt something deep down inside myself. I should have, and I wish I could stop pretending that I knew what I was doing.
"Because it didn't matter. If it mattered that much, if it would have impacted his life, then perhaps I would have told him." I was right, it didn't matter, he wouldn't care anyway. Even if he was my mate, he has his own demons too. "How is he?"
"Typical Rhysand," Azriel showed a small smile, "focused on the war, trying to pretend he doesn't have a second thing on his mind." I considered what he said, and didn't say anything back. I didn't feel like there was anything I needed to respond with. Luckily, Az spoke in my place. "What are they planning?" I nearly let out a laugh.
"They aren't planning it. That's on me." I said, my voice monotone, uncaring, as it always was now. As if I couldn't shake the mask. "They'll be in the valley, between Summer and Autumn."
He nodded, but just before he left, I stopped him. "Don't tell Rhys about the thing, he can't know." Az nodded. "And please, don't let him try to save me at the battle. Don't let him come to me." This time he didn't nod, instead, he just disappeared. Like he always did, returning to the shadows, and then the shadows were gone. 

I lay on my bed for a long time, staring at the ceiling until it turned a pale shade of orange from the soft glow of the sun dipping to the horizon. The shadows lengthened, and my time shortened. One more day, and then war, I didn't quite know what to expect. Death was obvious, but in what form it would come I was still unaware. Perhaps it would all end in a blaze of glory, or perhaps it would end like it nearly did with me, quickly and insignificantly. Everything about it was and would be unexpected, you couldn't understand something without first experiencing it yourself. I wondered if someone would and get me for dinner or whether they would just let me go hungry. Probably the latter, they didn't care about me that much. 

I was wrong, Jurian was at the door. I didn't know whether I could face Tamlin, or any of the others after my outburst. I had to though didn't I? Because time was short, one day, every second mattered. Every crack I made had to be pried, and this wasn't a crack, this was a fracture. I opened the door and walked straight past him, ignoring the fact that I had to physically push past him to get through. He followed close behind me as I walked to the dining room. I winnowed the rest of the way, hoping to avoid any awkward, one-sided conversation. No one seemed surprised to see me appear at the head of the table, opposite Tamlin. I sat in the chair, once reserved for Hybern, now reserved for me. All conversation ceased as soon as I entered the room, and it didn't start again. Not, at least, until the food had been served and we had all started eating. 
"You all need to stop looking at me like I am broken." The pity in their eyes was unmistakable and getting on my nerves. 
"Then stop trying to blame everything on other people." Tamlin sniped back, glaring at me from across the table. There was tension radiating through the room, I could feel it thickening the air around me, constricting my lungs.
"Maybe you should heed your own advice." Jurian muttered under his breath, and I smirked at Tamlin who looked royally pissed off now. Hybern was looking at both of them now, considering. Almost like he was waiting for something to happen, for one of the two rabid wolves to attack the other. 
"Maybe you should learn to hold your tongue." Tamlin said through gritted teeth. I was right, fractured beyond repair. Everything was on the table, and everything was doomed to collapse. Perhaps we wouldn't need a war, but the ambition was still clear as day on the surface of Hybern's mind. I only now realised Amren had not come to dinner, probably already secluded in the darkness and shadows of her room, where ever that was.
"That sounds familiar." I said to him, and he didn't respond, no snarky comment this time. 
"All of you, drop it." Hybern said, leaving no room for argument, "if we continue like this we stand no chance. A divided Court is not strong enough to win. If we lose now, as Feyre said, we are dead men walking." He was right. I was dead and walking already, but they still stood a chance to survive. At least their shadows finished the jobs, drowned them before making their life a misery. If only the darkness regarded me with such chivalry.