A Different Type of Ending

Chapter 7 - Feyre

Feyre

I swear nothing ever changed around here, it was like every day was deja vu. Today things were ever so slightly different. I sat at the head of the table, as usual, except only one of the other chairs was occupied by none other than the night owl, Lucien. Anger swelled in me, followed by sadness. He didn't realise what he had done, what old wound he had ripped wide open. I had held onto the shadows, and I knew he could see them in my eyes, I knew he could feel them radiating around me, yet all he did was sit and look at the table with a blank face. I noticed the charred handprints still marking the table, a constant and permanent reminder. If I returned, would I still remember what had happened? Would I care? Would I ever even return? I hoped not. 
"Woke up early this morning?" Jurian said as he walked into the room, his words obviously aimed at me, and sat in the seat to my right as per usual. 
"I find sleep unproductive." I said, my voice void of all emotion. I was empty now, well and truly, and did not have the desire to fight back against it. I would try, for my mate and his court, but I could never come out victorious. 
"Did you sleep?" He sounded concerned, surprising for the psycho he was. Perhaps I had changed him, I liked to wish the impossible.
"For the first time, yes." I said with resignation. Perhaps going to the pit today, perhaps it would finally wake the sleeping hope inside of me, perhaps the shadows would find a way to release themselves, finally destroying us all. Perhaps death would finally do its job. 
"You don't sleep?" He asked, now trying to mask the concern in his voice and failing.
"I like the night." I snarled back, leaving no room for any more questions. Tamlin and Hybern entered the room just as we all fell silent. No one spoke, not even them, and we were all just staring at the table and the High Lord and the King took their seats. 
"We leave tonight, towards the valley. If our sources are to be believed, they will attack tomorrow." I reclined in my chair, preparing for a long lecture or speech or something from the King like he usually did in the morning, but he didn't say anything else. No one did, as if they all held some unspoken secret, I did too, it was spoken to no one not even myself. It belonged to the shadows. 
"Anything else? Or are you going to leave us in such suspense." I said, the sarcasm sharp on my tongue.
"Feyre." He snapped back, the fire in his eyes dampered but still visible. A candle stirring in a small breeze. "You have been nothing but an unwanted pain since you arrived here, at least try to behave like you should."
"Oh, and how is that?" I sniped back.
"Like a person, not a demon, and like a woman." I was fuming, and evidently he could see that, so he back-pedalled slightly. "Of course you are very useful the way you are, but some dignity would be much appreciated. You really do act like the Grimm Reaper." 
"Dignity?" I scoffed, I could feel my hands heating again but I kept them at a distance from the table, refusing to burn anything else. Except maybe the King, I would happily watch him burn. "Like a woman? I'd like you to tell me what you would do without me? Where would you be without your best source for information? Where would you be if Azriel wasn't dead? You're all the same, just like the Night Court."
"Don't associate me with him." Tamlin growled, suddenly finding his voice again. Funny, Rhsy had said that too, and I wondered what exactly would have happened if they had been raised together, whether Tamlin would still be the wolf in sheep's clothing and Rhys would be the sheep in wolf's clothing. 
"You have no right coming in here and demanding the things you do, you're still just a petty child." Hybern said back, his voice still cool calm and collected as always. It was infuriating. 
"I may still be a child, but that doesn't stop me from fighting for my life, from protecting my Court until my dying breath. You bastards just can't understand that though can you? It's too far beyond your pea-sized brains to comprehend what I have just said." I pushed my chair over as I stood from my seat. The table hissed and burned as I slammed my smouldering hands onto its surface. 
"You sound like one of them." Lucien said, I turned to him and he flinched back. Whether it was from the way I looked at him or the way death, literally, swirled in my eyes. My heart swelled at the compliment it truly was, but my lie nearly faltered with it. Feelings were becoming dangerous now, the time of war had come and I was standing on thin ice and if I fell through I was trapped and drowning. Slowly, but surely, everything would slip away and I would finally get to reach for what I had missed out Under the Mountain. Not now, not yet, not here. Tomorrow, in front of everyone, on the battlefield. Soon. 

I sighed, now realising that the topic desperately needed to change before I revealed myself for the spy I truly was. Sometimes I wished the shadows could swallow me like they did with Azriel. 
"I will go the Pit today." I stated clearly, swerving away from the path the conversation was taking. I picked up my chair and sat myself back onto it. Calm, cool, collected. The King nodded, but there was suspicion in his eyes now that had not been there moments ago. 
"I'm coming." Jurian said, but he was looking at the King instead of me, as if in request. The King nodded, still focusing on me, scrutinising. But Jurian was coming, and my plan had to change. 
"We're leaving now." I said, suddenly unable to take any more of the King's incessant staring, it was irritating and getting on my nerves. I stood from the table again, this time without tipping over the chair, and glanced down at the now duplicated handprints on the table for a mere second before vacating the room with Jurian in tow. 

We exited the manor, me preparing to winnow, and him taking my hand so I could get us both to the the Pit. Incapable males. And as I was preparing myself for the winnow only seconds away, Jurian spoke just s second too late for me to stop.
"You know, for a spy, you do a damn good job of acting like you are trying to help Spring." I looked at him in shock, but it was too late now and the darkness had swallowed us, and I could only hear the rushing in my ears and the pounding of my heart. 

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A/N

Sorry that the updates are few and far between, I am struggling with a few things in my life at the moment so I hope you understand. 

Thank you for reading and sticking with the book, I hope you are all enjoying it! As always, vote, comment, share because you know it makes my day :)