Empty Chairs and Empty Promises

Chapter Four

Wiping at my dusty face with the back of my hand, I close the top of another box filled with items collected over my lifetime. I have one pile of donations for St. Vinny's and a second one with things for the tag sale. A couple of suitcases are all I will need for the clothing and keepsakes I'm taking with me.

The young couple buying the house bought some of the furnishings which is a relief to have one less task to deal with when I'm so ready to get on with my life. When I call Nate and Carrie to inform them of my plans to sell the house, Nate seems indifferent about the news while Carrie rants on about destroying the family and not honoring her father's memory. She's clearly upset with me.

I offer to place whatever items either of them want into storage until they can collect them. Notes containing all of their requests help me as I arrange for them to be stored in a nearby facility. I'm holding off on telling them about Amanda for right now. It might be too much for one conversation.

Neither one of my children ask what my plans for the future are. I know some people will think they're ungrateful and spoiled. I can't blame them. I always put their needs and those of my husband ahead of mine. I want to believe they'll some day understand the sacrifices parents gladly make for their children.

I put my focus into immediate concerns like getting ready for the tag sale. I mark items throughout the house. Small trinkets I display on tables or gather into boxes for buyers to peruse. My goal isn't to make tons of money, but to have my things go to someone else who needs them.

Neighbors and friends stop by to help and wish me well. In the past I've heard people complain about nosy neighbors in small towns. My experience is, when you live in a community where you know the majority of your neighbors personally, you become a piece of the whole fabric of your small town. When something happens to disrupt the whole, people want to help. They offer friendship, celebration, sympathy and advice in exchange for knowledge.

This is why I think small towns are so special. Neighbors helping neighbors. It will be one of the things I will miss most when I leave. But before I can depart, I have to have my sale. Sigh.

The big day finally arrives. I'd paid a neighbor boy to hang up signs around town. Like items are arranged together making it easy for folks to find what they are looking for. I take my place at a card table with my metal cash box and a cup of coffee. My coffee machine is cleaned and sitting on a table waiting to be sold.

"Hi Libby! I can't believe you're moving. Susan told me you're going to travel for a while. I can't imagine a woman traveling by herself in strange countries," Ellen says emphatically.

"I guess it's a good thing you aren't the person going." A broad smile tightens my cheeks.

"You are so right! I think I'm going to look around." She surveys the items I once felt were so important to my life. Now I look forward to being unencumbered of the material things which surrounded me for most of my life.

I smile and return to my coffee. I'm so excited about the non-plans I made. I booked a ticket to Puerto Rico on impulse. I didn't need a passport since it's a commonwealth of the US, and the photos I've seen are beautiful. I leave in a week. It can't come soon enough.

###

"Mom, I don't understand you! You sell our family home and now you want to go alone to who knows where..." Carrie argues over the phone with me.

"Puerto Rico. That's where I'm going," I correct.

"What are you talking about? Traipsing off in some type of mid-life crisis, it's ridiculous. I'm embarrassed one of my friends will find out how demented you are!" Carrie isn't going to let up and frankly, I'm getting tired of the tirade.

"Young lady, I'm your mother, and I won't have you talking to me like this. I'm not having a mid-life crisis. I'm taking a much-deserved vacation, and I plan on enjoying myself. I've got another thirty or forty years ahead of me. I need to decide what I would like to do with it."

"Whatever. Have fun. Don't worry about your children, we'll be fine." My daughter is filled with resentment and each word drips with venom.

"Carrie, you're an adult. I'm not abandoning you. You and Nate are always in my thoughts. I'll get in touch with you when I get there."

"Well, don't let it interfere with your fun. I need to go." And then, she was gone. I sigh at the petulant tone in her voice and shake my head, wondering if I'd been as insufferable when I was her age. No, I had two children to care for when I was her age. I didn't have time for drama.

###

The sale of the house is completed. I divide the proceeds into thirds. For Nate and Carrie, I set up savings accounts with their portions. They will receive the funds when I feel it is the appropriate time.

Amanda will receive another third of the proceeds. It will never make up for a childhood bereft of a loving father, but she is Josh's child and deserves so much more than I'm able to give her.

Josh had a large insurance policy and a 401K. I have a small inheritance from my parents which Josh helped me invest years ago. It's grown over the years, and I'm positive it will be enough for me to live simply and travel as my mood dictates.

I pack my bag enthusiastically thinking of all of the possibilities ahead. I've purchased new clothing suitable for warm, sunny climes with ocean breezes and sandy beaches. Each item I pack is a promise of a new adventure. My imagination produces thoughts of fruit-flavored rum drinks in glasses beaded with condensation and topped with colorful paper umbrellas. Beautiful sunsets spill their color across the waters below. The sway of my hammock soothes me as I relax in the shade.

I can't wait until tomorrow.