Storm Clouds// newtmas fanfiction

Chapter: 8~ Why is love a whirlwind of pain?

The rain stung there faces as they made it through the second field since the corn pasture. The wind forced against them, making it feel like it was coming from everywhere at once and the sound of thunder rumbled across the flatlands, shaking the ground with each loud clap. Lightning danced across the sky as it lit up the dark rotating cloud but nothing had hit the ground yet, which the boys were very thankful for.

The field they quickly walked across was nothing but mud, churned up by the rain and wind. Weeds endured the pitiful clay-like soil as the boys tripped over ruts and small mounds. Mud clung to the bottom of their shoes and clumped together, making it incredibly hard to move. The next barbed wire fence called to them with its sharp spikes glistening from the water that dripped off of it.

Thomas walked at the back of the group, lost in thought. He worried about what was happening between him and Newt. He couldn't deny it felt good. The feeling of being touched by his soft skin felt like ecstasy to Thomas and he knew it was as addictive as the drug. Though he'd only actually kissed Newt properly once, the taste of his lips still lingered on his own and he loved it.

And that was the thing. He really enjoyed what he was doing with Newt but he felt that he shouldn't be. As if what they were doing was wrong. As far as Thomas knew, he was still straight and loving a boy felt completely against that. He didn't even know if he could call what he had with Newt 'love'. It all confused him so much that the storm wasn't the only thing giving him a headache.

As if the mere thought called him over, Newt dropped back next to Thomas. He slipped his hand into the brunette's but Thomas pulled it away and pretended to cough into it as an excuse. Newt wasn't stupid. He could tell that something was bothering the other boy and it wasn't a nasty cough.

"What's wrong?" Newt asked loudly over the sound of the wind.

Thomas looked at him as best as he could with the rain dripping into his eyes. He had to at least tell Newt something and there was no better time than the present.
"Um, Newt, I, uh, don't think I can keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Newt asked obliviously.

Thomas cleared his throat and continued, "You know, this 'thing' between us. I just don't know if I can, um, carry on."

"What, " Newt frowned, "It wasn't like I was forcing you to do anything. You could've just pushed me away when we first started."

"I know but I didn't know what to do when you leaned in. I didn't want to upse-"

"No! You're making out like I'm the only one doing wrong but it wasn't just me in this, this thing, " Newt paused and sucked in a deep breath.

Thomas opened his mouth to speak but Newt cut him off, as he was just getting into the flow of his rant, "You were also leading me on! You were the one about to bloody kiss me in that barn. Admittedly, I was the one who lent in first the other two times but you still shucking joined in. What's your bloody excuse for that?"

With Newt finally finishing his yell, Thomas could speak, "I'm confused, Newt. I woke up this morning thinking I was completely straight and then things happened and now I don't even know what I am anymore. I just need time."

Newt felt close to tears again as he listened to Thomas' explanation. It made perfect sense. It showed in the way he kept acting; hesitating before a kiss, squirming in uncomfortableness and just generally looking confused. It all made sense but he still felt cheated.

"I understand that it's confusing, Tommy but you could have told me first before we started this whole bloody thing! I wouldn't have done those things otherwise!"

The boys ahead of them were totally unaware of the argument that had sparked up behind them, as the wind and rain blocked out any sound of their shouts. They had already made it over halfway through the third field but the two boys stuck in the dispute wished they were closer to the house, so they could sort everything out in the dry.