Breng Me Naar Het Water (English) A Randy Fanfic

E I G H T E E N

"De liefde die ik bij me draag"
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I hug him as if my life depends on it, which is in this case true. I don't want to lose him. Don't want him to leave me. I just want everything to stay the way it was. But I know that won't be possible.

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Rye's POV

I feel something warm on my face and I open my eyes, to close them immediately again. I was looking straight into the sun. I roll over and suddenly realise there is no one next to me. Andy left me.

Scared of what is going to happen I get up and feel the spot he was laying. It's cold. He must have left around an hour earlier. I get out of bed and a little note falls of the blankets. I pick it up and open it, my hands shaking.

I'm sorry Rye
I just can't live like this

It feels like someone is trying to choke me. I can't breathe properly and the entire room is swinging a little. The sudden realisation that after today I will never be able to hear his laugh again hits me.

It's like getting a punch in the face. Tears fall out of my eyes and I sit down on the edge of the bed. What do I do now? A sudden thought pops up in my mind.

If I'm quick enough, I might be able to stop him. To save him. But what if he doesn't want to be saved? a little voice inside my head whisper. I shake my head to get rid of it and get up, the note still in my hand. I need to be quick if I want to stop him.

I look at the clock and see that it's quite early, the sun has just come up. None of the other boys will be awake this early. Which means that Andy could get away without being noticed. If I hadn't woken up, his plan would have been solid. But if I hadn't woken up, that would have meant I couldn't have stopped him. Now I have the ability to.

In a rush I get downstairs, trying not to fall. I take a quick look at the kitchen to see if he wouldn't be just there, but all I see is four envelopes lying on the cooking island. I swallow the tears away and look away.

I get outside and see none of the cars is gone, the bicycle is also still there. He must have walked to the nearest station and taken the train. That means the place he was going to do it, might be a while away. If I take the car I might be on time. Not that I know where to go to.

Suddenly I think of the place we filmed the Song About a Songwriter and Ageing Superheroes cover. It was a cliff. That must be the place he is going to do it.

I get in one of the cars and drive away. In my mind I think of ways how to get to the cliff quicker. I decide to just drive and try to get there.

Time passes by way too slow and I can't help but think of what I'm going to do when he has already done it.

Will I be able to live on? Without him for who knows how long? I twist the ring around my finger, which he gave me when he proposed to me. I regret that we didn't think about it more. Maybe a wedding would have stopped him from doing it.

I feel hollow every time I think about the fact he could already be dead. I want him to be alive. I want him to feel happy again. I truly thought that maybe, today I could talk to him and convince him this wasn't the right thing to do. I should have woken up sooner. I should have been awake earlier. I could have prevented all this. If I just had woken up earlier.

Tears are streaming down my face now, as I finally see the cliff where we filmed the covers. I get out of the car as quick as possible and run towards the edge of the cliff. I see nothing but waves.

I fall down on my knees and the sobs are too much to hold in. He must have already jumped. I was too late. I was too late to stop him.

I punch again the ground and scream at the pain, both physical and mental. If I had just woken up sooner...

"Rye?"

That voice.

"What are you doing here?"

I turn around to look into those familiar, ocean blue eyes. Andy's eyes.

"I-," I begin, but breakdown before I say something. I get up and run towards the smaller, blond boy.

He stops me before I can hug him.

"Don't make this harder than it already is, Ryan," he whispers, his voice thick of emotion.

"No." I shake my head. "No, Andy you can't do this! Andy!"

He looks away, the pain clearly visible in his eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Fovvs, please," I beg. "Please. Don't do it. Please!"

He shakes his head and refuses to look at me. "Rye, please, it's better if you just go home. Go home to the others. Someone needs to explain everything. Please, Rye. Do it for me."

With those words he looks me in the eye and I see how much it hurts him to say them.

"I can't go home, Andy. Knowing that you will be here, leaving this world. Knowing I will never see you again, never see you smile, never hear you laugh again. I will never be able to wipe your tears away, to kiss you, to hold you in my arms, to play the guitar with you. Nothing will be the same. You won't be here anymore. So please Andy, don't ask me to leave."