Butterfly

Thirty One

I found myself drifting.

Not really going anywhere.

Not really anywhere at all.

I couldn't see anything.

It was cold.

Dark.

It's over.

I reached the end.

I felt strings constrict around my heart.

I wanted to cry, but couldn't find my voice.

Then, there was light.

A small, glowing orb directly in front of me.

Everything in me seemed to want to go towards it.

And somehow, I did.

As it grew larger, I could start to make out images forming within the light.

Starting with a small child, bouncing around a living room.

Her brown hair growing and swaying as she grew taller.

She then held a backpack, skipping to school in early September, but tripped and fell.

Then she grew tired and too thin.

The girl grew once again, and found herself tucked away in a hospital bed.

The light was almost overwhelming now, enveloping me.

I found myself crying, tears falling into seemingly empty space.

"Can I draw a picture of you?"

The sound filled my ears. It was like an old radio.

"Because you're beautiful."

The lighted flickered as if it were a film projector.

"Mom I met a friend today. She's really pretty and really nice. Yeah, it was at the hospital. Yes ma'am I'm sorry."

I saw him walk to the hospital everyday. Rain or shine.

"I think I'm going to start going to the hospital after school everyday. I know. She's helping me with my homework. Ok, I promise."

I saw him sit alone at the lunch table.

"You know that kid, Hoseok? Yeah, the one with the long face. Wanna go try to get him mad?"

Then I saw him kneeling on the floor with one of the nurses, holding a silver butterfly necklace.

"I love you."

Then it was over.

The scenes stopped and I was left to see nothing but a wide, green field.

I felt light, my feet barely touching the soft grass.

Then, as if our of thin air, a little blue butterfly landed on my finger.

At first, it was cold.

I could feel it's power strongly emit from itself and into my skin.

Everything was still.

Quiet.

And the butterfly seemed to begin to bring warmth.

Peace.

Hope.

It seemed to whisper things barely audible.

It fluttered it's wings.

I don't want to die.

I tried to tell it that.

Over and over again.

I don't want to die.

Intense warmth and happiness seeped out of the butterfly.

It seemed like it was melting into my hands.

I felt myself fall and my eyes closed, making everything turn black again.

And then I was breathing.

My eyes opened slowly.

For a moment everything was still.

Bright, fluorescent lights shone down from the ceiling.

Then all the pain came rushing in with sound and coldness.

"She's breathing!"

"Her heart is beating again!"

"Get over here!"

I felt intense pain all across my body.

My head was spinning and my lungs felt sore.

I heard laughter from the doctors.

"She's alive!"

I wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

I felt the hands of doctors harshly stick needles in me, yelling commands and immediately switching their plans.

Because somehow, I'm alive.