daisy ☹ niall horan [au]

nineteen - beautiful

      I didn’t know what to do anymore.

      It’s been weeks since I’ve heard from Niall and, believe it or not, his letters gave me something to do, something to look forward to in this prison.

      I didn’t get along with anyone.

      They won’t let me do the things I love to do the most.

      And I felt horrible. I didn’t even have a session with my therapist to “look forward” to, something to help keep me occupied and make the time go by.

      All I had was myself.

      I laid down on the uncomfortable mattress, staring up at the white ceiling above me. I stared at the cracks and splits in the ceiling and at the unknown stains. And, when that got boring, I decided to stretch my legs and walk a couple of laps around my room.

      But you can only stay positive for so long in my condition.

      And it was as I was walking around my room that my demons started to come out of the shadows, whispering sweet nothings about razor blades and toxins... and I couldn’t stop listening no matter how hard I tried.

      “Hey, look.”

      I stopped in my tracks, my head snapping up to look around. That’s when I saw what was in the mirror.

      “You look absolutely horrifying today.”

      Do I really?

      “Yes. Ugh, look at that. What is that?”

      I don’t know what you’re talking about.

      “Look at all of that. Is that fat? Ugh, it’s disgusting. Whatever happened to the progress you were making? I’m so disappointed in you.”

      I’m sorry...

      “You’re going to have to get rid of that as soon as possible.”

      My eyes travelled over my own body, pinching the spots around my soft middle and my thighs, trying to see if she was right.

      And she was...

      My eyes landed on something taped to the side of the mirror, I’m surprised I didn’t see it there before. I made my way over to the mirror, removing the envelope from it which was surprisingly addressed to me.

      I opened it and was surprised to find a message inside.

Daisy,

      Just because you push me away, doesn’t mean I’m going to leave.

      Now, you may not believe this but I know what you’re doing right now, right in front of the mirror.

      You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, and you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re too fat or too ugly or too horrible to live on this earth. And you’re going to try and find something to destroy the two months’ progress you made.

      So, this is to talk you out of it.

      I want you to look in the mirror.

      I did.

      And I want you to repeat after me:

      My body is not wrong, or ugly, or too

      big or too thin, too pale or too dark,

      too broken or too strong. It is the

      vessel of a precious life and that is

      enough.

      Love,

      Niall

      “My body is not wrong, or ugly, or too big or too thin, too pale or too dark, too broken or too strong. It is the vessel of a precious life and that is enough.”

      The words made my demons go away, even if it was momentarily, and I was fine.

      So, I taped the letter back up on to the mirror, “for when I have another one of my episodes.”