Appreciated

Chapter 8

Eliza's POV

There it was, departure day. It was a repeat of the first time Charley left except now I had less selfish reasons for wanting him to stay. He shouldn't leave now, I'm too scared to go on alone. I don't want our child to grow up like this in fact I don't even know how our child will grow up. I don't want Charley to leave me alone with the child but I don't want him to have to give up on his dream. I don't know if I can raise a child with Charley, I love him but I'm not in love with him. It hurts me so much to think that we don't love each other, is this what my son or daughter will grow up with? A loveless relationship where their parents would rather be siblings than husband and wife? In fact I don't even know if I could marry Charley, I don't love him enough, that brief time I was attracted to him was just me missing him. I just missed his strong arms that always embraced me with warm hugs, his smile that light up even my darkest of days, the way he always forgave me and was always worthy of my forgiveness,  the way that he laughed like nothing in the world was wrong, he was so beautiful inside and out.

"Alexandra" I heard in a hushed tone coming from my bedroom " Alexandra I'm sorry, we can't see each other any more" there was silence for a couple seconds " don't talk about Eliza like that it's not her fault, she would never do that purposely to sabotage us. I told you to stop speaking about her like that! How could you call her those names, I told you it's my fault so leave her out of this! You have the right to be angry but don't be angry with her, be angry with me." He sounded deeply upset. "Lex, babe, please stop, don't, I love her, Lex, don't do that, don't please it'll hurt her to much, please" he begged just loud enough that I could barely hear him. Alexandra, his girlfriend,  he gave her up for me, for us. I felt dizzy and tears rolled down my cheeks, I had ruined so much for Charley. He walked out the door, I could tell he had been crying but he pretended he was fine.

"Hi, Eliza" he said struggling to keep his voice steady "Princess, what's wrong? Come on, I leave in an hour I need to be able to remember that beautiful smile of yours" he wiped my eyes and I managed a little smile.

"Do you want to do anything before you leave?" I asked him trying to lift both of our moods.

"I just want to spend time with you and the baby" he bent down to kiss my stomach,  I didn't have a bump yet but I wonder how people will judge me walking around campus looking like I have a football stuffed under my shirt.

He walked me over to the couch, we both laid down and curled up together. "What about names?" he said sounding slightly excited "For a boy I like Eric, Naveen, or Adam" he chuckled a bit at my suggestions "Ariel, Tiana, or Belle for a girl than" We both were thrown into a fit of laughter. Charley stopped laughing abruptly and stared at me with a sincere yet intense look on his face.

" What" I asked still giggling "I really hope it's a girl" he sighed "So she  can take after her beautiful mommy" he kissed my stomach again. "'cause it's you who takes care of every one else" he began to sing softly into my stomach laying his head in my lap. As he just finished the song someone knocked on the door.

"Charley!"some one exclaimed and we saw the boys walk into the room "Are we interrupting something?" Lewi asked. Charley stood up "What the fuck, Jake" he screamed " What the fuck did you think you were doing? That was real fucking brilliant, Yeah, sure, just tell Alexandra with out my knowledge,  let her blame Eliza, you know what Jake? She wants to tell the world,  we haven't even told Scooter yet" he was enraged.

"We need to go" Jake said sternly.

Charley held me, he wasn't there, I could feel that Charley wasn't there. That only made it easier for me to walk away. I didn't want him to leave. He didn't want to leave. Knowing there was someone who wanted to hurt us, that made me scared for him to leave. Despite how easy it was for me to walk away from him right now ,  this shell of him, I knew he was still there. I held him close and for a long time. 1 second for me, 1 second for him, 1 second for the baby, 1 second for us, 1 second for our families, 1 second for the tour, 1 second for my education, 1 second for my fear. That last second, the second for fear, he held me back. He was as scared as I was it seemed. He said good bye to the baby and gathered his stuff and walked out.

I can't take it, nine months of fear. I realized as he left, as the door closed behind them, maybe I could take it, just not alone.