Things ill Never Tell

A blue heart.

I've found that writing down my thoughts is sometimes better than struggling to express my feelings out loud. Besides, we both know that emotions tend to blur everything. I'm already trying to deal with hurt feelings and bouts of anger. I'd rather not stick my foot in my mouth and find myself unable to take something back that I regretted saying!

Let me start by saying that I care about our relationship. Otherwise our argument wouldn't have mattered to me and I wouldn't be taking the time to write this letter. I can't help but remember all the good times we've shared: late-night walks, movies, and dinner at the beach. I've treasured our talks and how we have discovered our many shared interests. In the short time we've known each other we have years of history--too much to set aside lightly, I hope. I've surprised myself by being able to express my love for you easily. In a significant way, you taught me how to say those three important words--words I had once thought I would never be able to say sincerely but they were and are sincere. As our relationship has progressed and become more intimate, the word "love" has become a natural part of my vocabulary.

That is why what you said to me hurt so deeply. I can't say it more plainly than that. I felt as if I had been punched and knocked over and I fell down emotionally. I was totally unprepared for a comment like that to come from your lips. During all the months we have dated, I have never heard you say anything that resembled that remark. How is it possible that you could have said it? Did you really mean it? Please say "no." Please say it was just a poor choice of words or bad timing or unintentional--or something!

I don't think you can imagine how much it hurt me, but I don't want to continue feeling this way. Please help me understand what happened so we can put it behind us and move forward. I need closure. I need to know where you stand and if this will affect us in the future. I have not changed my mind about our relationship, but I am in desperate need of clarification.