BLISS || An ASAP Rocky story||

12

Isis

This feeling. Its all too familiar. The pain coming from my pelvis. The hurt. My insides feel like I've just given birth. My heart is stabbed once again. And it by a stranger this time.

As i lay on my tear stained bed as I've been crying for exactly 4 hours. No sign of the boys. I dont care where Ferg is. Just as long as he's away from me.

The clock on my new bedside night table displayed 2:28 a.m..

I got up out of my bed and limped into that closet that was mine but i didn't want and looked for the notebook that sat on the vanity that had a massive amount of makeup. I grabbed the pen that laid beside the notebook. The notebook was a brown book that was covered in freckle like dots that had a faint name on it.

I opened the book to see that it wasn't nothing written inside of it. I began to think of poetry.

I use to write poetry after i was raped the first time by Sean. It had become repetitive when i began to happen every night.

I just began to go with the flow and exposed my heart.

All alone I sit and cry
I wonder why I can't just let myself die

I lay on my bed
Covering my head

The marks he leaves are red
But inside I'm already dead

I hope tonight he just falls asleep
So here in silence I may weep
Every day I clean and clean
But he gets more and more mean

He comes to my room
And I feel I'm doomed

I wish I could run
Run from what he calls "fun"

But the torture has just begun
Sometimes I wish I had his gun

I wish he was gone
I wish he had never done wrong

I wish I could be alone
Or just run from home

But home is all I've ever known
I can never be alone...

He is always there
Ready to tear

And I'm always here
Full of tears......

I looked down at the notebook that displayed my hurt; my tears. I never thought this would happen to me.

But here i am.

I pulled the long sleeved shirt up to see my faded cuts, all for the world to see. The slits that were once deep were a representation of the abandonment and aloneness that i have felt through my entire life.

To be in place that dont know where i come from and what I've been through and can still hurt me shows how i can never run from my demons and they are everywhere i go.

I carried myself the bathroom that was attached to my room and had Rocky's closet on the other side and went into the mirror.

My hair was no longer that bright trolls like hair color, and was now a very pale baby pink with my hair showing that its growing back into its once brown color, my eyes were hollow with bags that i can stuff my hopes and dreams into, faced flushed from the hours of tears that i endured and my body was stained with dark blood.

I limped to the shower, took off the dirty clothes, and got into the shower. Bare.

I turned the shower all the way up on hot so i can get the stench of worthlessness that lie on my skin. I washed my hair with the Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Shampoo and matching Conditioner and followed it with washing my body with the luxury mens soap that i saw in here.

30 minutes later, i had to get out because the water began to turn cold. I grabbed a black towel that hung carelessly on the rack that i knew had to belong to Rakim and dried my body. I walked back to the mirror and began to go through the countless drawers in search of a pair of scissors.

After found, i began to cut all the hair on my hair and since I've done my hair since i started my little short hair journey, i know where to cut and how to cut it. Once done, i began to stare at the mens shaving razor.

"What if i do it one more time?"

My vision began to get blurry as i put the razor as it began to get heavy on my bare skin and inhaled and exhaled.

"Who'd miss me if I'm gone?" I thought.

Just then, the razor were smacked out my hand and onto the floor. I fell to my knees, lowly pleading for whoever did it to go. I felt someone embrace me with a warm hug and kiss my forehead.

The smell of that familiar luxury Cologne flooded my nostrils and i cried harder. My head was soaked and i knew he was crying as well.

After 10 minutes of crying on each other, he picked me up and took me out the bathroom to sit on my bed. He disappeared into bathroom and came out with clothes. He dressed me and i let him because i didn't have the energy in my body to object.

(Everything but the bag and boots. He also put a pair mens underwear on her.)

Rocky and I then laid down. Me on his chest and my hand on his chest. I noticed that he had changed into I felt his breaths slow down after 2 minutes. The darkness cascaded over our worn out bodies.

Why was i putting myself in this predicament? Letting myself fall in love with this possible murderer after i just got raped by his best friend? Why was he being so nice to me and why'd he put me here?

"I dont know about you but think I've fallen in love with you, Shawty. I know what you're thinking. "How the hell he in love with me and he barely knows me?"," Rocky said in a attempt to try to sound like me. I smiled then quickly stopped.

"But i want to get to know you. The good, the bad, and the worse. Just be honest with me. If you feel uncomfortable around me and my friends, ill make it so where you'll never feel like that again." His hand began to rub my arm in a reassuming way that made me feel safe in his arms.

He made me feel safe in the scariest way that made me hate myself. Im here to get myself out of this house and to safety because since I've been here, too much things has happened to me and i dont know if the next thing thats going to be done to me is my death.

"Answer me please." Rakim pleaded, interrupting my thoughts.

"Can you start by what made you start kidnaping and who was first?"

This was the only way I knew how to get him to talk and to set up an escape plan.