Professional Publicity Stunt » Shawn Mendes✔️

eleven: when i close my eyes, i see you.

A/N: So I've been listening to "Rose" by Honest Men a lot while writing, but I listened to Shawn and Zac Brown Band sing the latter's song called "Colder Weather" while writing this and my goodness. It's such a good song for Rylie and Shawn. I linked it up there if you want to listen to it (even if you don't like country music, you should still listen to it)! Anyways, enjoy!

you're a lover, i'm a runner/
and we go round and round/
and i love you but i leave you/
i don't want you but i need you/
you know it's you that calls
me back here, baby

It's always a bit of a surreal moment when you see your best friend in person after not seeing them for so long. With Kate's crazy work schedule due to the new show she's on, it has been so hard to make time to see her, especially when I'm always out of the country or out of state and supposed to be working.

But seeing her sitting there, at our favorite restaurant to eat lunch at, in our favorite table by the window, never fails to bring a huge smile to my face.

And she does the same. Right when she sees me, her face splits into a grin. She stands with open arms, just as excited when I embrace myself in a hug from her.

Sorry Shawn, my best friend takes the new title of giving the best hugs. She had it in the first place anyway, but still.

"Okay, so before I make you tell me everything about Shawn, I want to know how you're doing?"

"How kind of you," I tease. "I'm good, actually."

She raises her eyebrows. "You didn't sound good a few days ago."

"That was a few days ago," I shake my head. "I'm doing better."

"What changed?"

Shawn. Him holding my hand. Him holding me while I cried. Him singing me to sleep. Him holding me close to him while I sleep. It all feels too good and I don't have the heart to stop it. I don't have the heart to ruin my feelings right now. I haven't felt this...ever. Or if I have, it's been so long I don't remember. I know I'm going to have to walk away from this in a month - soon. Too, too soon. But I can enjoy it while it lasts. There's nothing wrong with that, right? He knows this isn't real. I know this isn't real. It's mutual.

"I dunno," I smile, chuckling a little. "Shawn's not a bad friend."

"Friend?" She nods but doesn't sound at all believing. "A friend who holds your hand?"

"A friend who holds my hand for publicity," I remind her. "And who actually cares about me." Kate raises her eyebrows again, waiting for me to continue. I sigh. Fine. I'll open up a little more. "Everyone else is normally ignoring me by now, you know? Which is fine, if Shawn was doing that it'd be fine. That's normal for me. But he's not...and he's talking to me and holding me and doing all the things that are not normal at all."

I can see the knowing smile before it appears on her face. "It sounds like he really likes you."

"I guess," I shrug. "But he knows it's not real."

"Does he?"

"I tell him," I say weakly, staring down my glass of water. "I remind him a lot." I give him subtle reminders. Even when it's hard to.

Kate takes a deep breath, obviously trying to choose her next words carefully. "You know if it does feel real...it's okay."

"You told me that already."

"And I mean it."

I look up from my glass to find her already looking at me. "It's not."

"And what if it is?"