Professional Publicity Stunt » Shawn Mendes✔️

thirty: if all that i could ever be was the best ex-lover of your life.

A/N: Hi again! Another chapter is coming in a few minutes. They were originally pieced together, but it was getting too long for my taste, so I decided to split them up. And by the way, no hate or anything is meant toward Camila in this part. I love her to death. This is just written in for the sake of angst and drama (come on, you didn't think I'd let it end all happily ever after with her talking to Taylor, did you?). Happy reading! See you again in a few minutes :)

While Taylor and Shawn are busy during soundcheck, I keep myself busy with the script. And the more I read, the more I fall in love.

I keep forgetting as well that I have Andrew's number now, so instead of sitting here in my own head, I decide to text him and tell him all I'm feeling as I read the script. It takes him less than a minute to write back, telling me thank you and that he's glad I'm enjoying it.

How could I not enjoy it? This woman lived life to the literal fullest and broke hearts nearly everywhere she went because she didn't like the idea of being fully committed at such a young age. She typed car manuals on a typewriter and never got any of the credit. She never got a full, proper education due to the war and the times she lived in, but she still managed to make a good living for herself.

It startles me at how well I relate to her, but I've been trying to shove that feeling away. After having the talk with Taylor – still, how did that even happen? – I've let myself do more thinking about this situation than I have before. Even though I've told Shawn I'd think about it – and Kate, and Sidney, and myself – I really haven't. I've pushed it away because I just...wanted to cherish these moments for what they are: present moments. I wanted to live in these and not look back on this hating that I let the end of the contract distract me.

But hearing Taylor's words, I know that I have to think about this. And I know if I don't, I'll just regret that instead. I'll regret something different, which would be just as bad.

And I don't want to regret this. Or anything from this.

I sigh as I feel the thoughts consuming me again. I know the answer. I know what I want to do.

Thankfully, the thoughts don't have much time to take over because Shawn, Taylor, Joe, and her mom return to the dressing room.

"Oh, hey, did you want to go say hi to Charli and Camila?"

I know who they are because I know they're touring with Taylor, but I've never listened to either of their music all that much. But the way Shawn's face lights up makes me want to meet them – not that I have a choice, because Taylor is practically picking me up off the couch, telling me to take a break because almost two hours have passed, and I was still reading. I don't bother correcting her that I spent some time talking to Andrew and some time thinking.

"Okay, okay, I'm up," I laugh, trying not to fall over into her. "Lead the way!"

She links her arm with mine, Shawn taking my free hand, as she leads us out into the hallway and down to where Charli and Camila are. Shawn gently tugs on my hand, getting me to look at him, and when I do, I see it's because he wanted to do a silent check-in to see how I'm doing. I flash him a smile, which earns one from him, and then we're focused back on finding the girls.

Taylor lets go of my arm to knock on Camila's door, opening it and cooing, "Baby C!"

I chuckle, letting Shawn walk in before me because I'm still unsure. And I wish I hadn't. I wish I had walked in first, so I didn't have to see his face light up even more the way it did.