MASH

Chapter 22:You Don't Understand

~~~ Jessica ~~~

"Gah!" I exclaimed in frustration as I dived into my giant bed. Fluffy pillows flied into the air as my body hit the mattress with a loud thud. My hand darted out and grabbed one which I hugged tightly to my chest as I lied on my stomach.

What is wrong with me? I groaned, musing about the events of today. My shopping trip with Kristle had taken up the whole day and we had just stumbled home, arms full of various shopping bags. After dropping my share of the bags, I had immediately retreated to my private area aka my bedroom.

I usually enjoyed shopping trips with Kristle if you don't count the endless clothes picking but this time, I really regretted agreeing to go out with her today. Not because of Kristle. It's because of Benedict... and Delia.

If I hadn't gone out with Kristle, I wouldn't have caught sight of Benedict and Delia acting like a couple. And I wouldn't be so angry and depressed. So, basically if Kristle had just gone along with her clothes and not throw a tantrum on the lack of clothes (like, seriously. Isn't a T-Shirt and jeans the perfect outfit?), I wouldn't be here now, acting all emo and all.

Okay, maybe I'm stretching the truth a bit too far but that's not the point.

I turned a 180° turn, my back now on the bed. I blew my hair out of my face and sighed heavily. The accidental interaction with Benedict was a bit too much for me to bear. True, I had been hoping to see him again today, as in alone with me. Definitely not hand and hand with Delia.

"Pfft." I rolled my eyes. So what if she met him first? So what if she already has Benedict in her hands? So what? She doesn't have to act all lovey dovey with him, do she? It's already bad enough that Benedict and I had to sneak around. On every single meeting, he has to leave before Delia notices. I thought I wouldn't mind, thought that I didn't care that I'm not always on his mind but judging by this little interaction, I obviously minded a lot.

Of all the millions of males living in this world, I had to fall in love with the one guy I couldn't have. Ironic?

Yes.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my bedroom door. Before I even opened my mouth, the door opened and Kristle walked in. I frowned at her, saying, "What's the point of knocking if you don't even wait for the invitation to come in?"

Kristle ignored me and dropped beside me on the bed. She stared at me in worry as she gently asked, "Are you alright, Jess?"

"What makes you think that I am not?" I asked, pushing myself to a sitting position though I was still clutching the pillow tightly. Kristle shrugged casually, answering in a flippant way, "Nothing. I was just curious."

I narrowed my eyes at her; I known my sister for a long time and I'm pretty sure she isn't the type of girl who asks stuff like this because she's curious. "I'm fine." I hesitantly replied, still staring at her in suspicion.

"Are you sure?" Kristle pressed on, leaning closer to me. This is suspicious. I noticed in my mind before confirming, "Yeah. Why would I lie?"

Kristle was silent for a second as she bit her lip, thinking about something. I nudged her, urging her, "Just say whatever you want to say." Kristle was still hesitant but she carefully told me, "I caught sight of you staring at a couple just now. You looked like you're really sad. Like majorly sad and depressed."

"Oh. That thing." I simply stated, staring at the pillow in my arms. So, she saw me staring at Benedict like a sad puppy? I wondered in my mind.

"Aww... Jess, why didn't you tell me?" Kristle asked, pouting. I looked away, refusing to look at my sister directly. "I didn't want to change my impression of me in your eyes." I hastily replied.

"I won't! I'm still going to think of you as the super independent woman who managed to raise me up all this years." Kristle blurted out suddenly, kind of shocking me. Who knew that this was such a huge subject to her? Kristle continued on, "Just because you're still in denial of you and Joel's relationship doesn't means that you're a pathetic and weak girl."

Wait, what? Me and Joel's relationship?

"It's okay that you still want to be in a relationship again. I seriously don't care if you're actually a girl who yearns for love." Kristle declared, not stopping for a moment. "Don't let me hold you back. Just go! Just go and find someone to love!" She proclaimed dramatically and I wondered why didn't she join drama.

"Hold it for a second, Kristle." I placed my hand up, shutting her up immediately. "Who said I was still in denial of Joel?" I asked before bursting into laughter. I thought that Kristle had found out about my shameless relationship with Benedict. Never did I expect that she actually misunderstood me to be still in depression of my relationship of Joel. Never in a million years.

"No, really. Don't let me hold you back ---" Kristle paused for a moment before asking, "You're not in denial? Really?"

"Nope." I popped the 'p' as I grinned.

"Seriously? Then what was all the sad staring for? Wasn't you jealous of the couple? Wasn't you wishing that you had someone to hug and kiss like that girl?" Kristle demanded and my grin disappeared instantly. "No, I wasn't." I swiftly lied to her. At least, not the way she thought I was. I added in my mind but Kristle didn't have to know that.

"So, you're seriously? You're not in denial?" Kristle wanted to confirm with me.

"Yeap." I nodded my head.

"You're not still thinking of Joel and the future that you could have if you guys didn't' broke up?" Kristle quickly asked in one breath.

"It's kind of hard to forget with you reminding me every few second." I sarcastically informed her and she had the grace to blush. "But still, I'm not." I added as an afterthought.

Kristle closed her mouth before deadpanning at me, "So basically, I just made a fool of myself? You weren't in denial? Thinking that you were in need of psychologist Kristle?"

"Yes, yes and yes." I ticked the answers off my fingers. "Any more questions?" I cocked an eyebrow at my sister.

"No." Kristle answered, standing up from the bed. She started to walk toward the bedroom door but then changed her mind. Kristle turned to me and asked, "Jess, you do know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"I'm pretty sure the older sister's supposed to say that but yeah, I do know." I smiled at Kristle. She can be so sweet sometimes. Other times? Not so much.

"I'm serious. You can tell me anything. Really." Kristle insisted, her tone all serious and solemn.

"I know, Kristle." I answered before shooing her out. "And shouldn't you be in bed now? It's kind of late now." I checked the wall clock, knowing that Kristle would be miffed.

True enough, Kristle huffed. "I'm not a kid, you know. Still, good night, Jess." I waved at her disappearing figure. The door closed and I leaned against my headboard, staring upwards.

I know you meant well, Kristle, but there are some things that you simply don't understand, no matter how much you want to.

Hey, guys ^^ Hehehe, I'm sorry for taking so long to write this... Let's say I'm damn busy nowadays... Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chappie :) Vomment, please ^^