MASH

Chapter 35: The Choice

Kristle’s POV

I found myself in the middle of nowhere… literally. Everything was… nothing. I couldn’t feel, see or hear anything. I felt my feet touch something, it felt void. I looked down to where my feet are but to find that my feet were nowhere to be found and so were the rest of my body. It’s as if my soul is without its body. Then, piercing the silence is the gushing sound of waves, coming closer and closer to where I am.

I started to run but found myself rooted to the spot.

The waves came closer until it finally hit me, hard. I struggled to keep my head above water, but the waters seemed infinite. My feet were also struggling to find the bottom but there wasn’t any ground. Slowly, I began to sink further…

“GAH!” I woke up with a start. I scanned my surroundings and found myself back in my room, but not in my bed though. I was still sitting on my swivel chair and what was on my table is a blank sheet of paper that kept me up for so long: my English essay. Well at least I wasn’t there. The bad thing is that I’m aqua phobic (fear of water) so no gushing waves for me.

The topic given to me was actually pretty easy. I was to write about what I would do if I could turn back time. The problem is that I can’t stray off topic. I must focus on ONE thing I would do if I could turn back time.

But the thing is, I would have done so many things, like perhaps spend more time with mom and dad before they died. I would not have been so hard on Jessica when they did. I would not have treated everyone so coldly before and finally; I wouldn’t have signed up for that stupid scholarship.

I knew for a fact that I have to make a really hard decision which I am not very good at and I don’t think it’s an easy ‘yes or no’ kind of question. This is the type of decisions that requires me to consider the ‘pro’s and con’s’ of leaving and staying. I could leave and be a psychologist or a musician studying at Yale which is exactly my dream.

Or I could stay and lose once in a lifetime opportunity but at least not leave my best friends and sister. I mean though leaving sounds a lot better, it’s not that easy. The relationships I made in California are binding and after lots of years of friendship, I just can’t let it all go.

Jessica… I just can’t leave her. I mean c’mon, who raises their five year old sister when they are thirteen?! Yes, thirteen! Well… with Aunt Lacy but until Jessica’s 18. She’s broken into pieces for goodness sake for something that broke her heart to pieces. Again! But despite that, I should be there for her, especially now like the many times she was there for me through and through! I am her only family left and at the state she’s in, leaving was not a very good option.

Clarice… Neither can I just leave her. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have survived my first year in High School without her, what with your popularity status and what-not’s. Bu she taught me how to be down-to-earth and just be myself and it did get through, well with some name-callings along the way. Though she is sometimes immature, I look up to her though I won’t admit it in front of her. When she found out about my crush on Tristan, she was well… supportive, though sometimes she calls him ‘Tristy’ which I find rather disturbing.

Though I’m not as close with Grace, mainly because she’s more of Jessica’s friend than mine, I find her as… this person that would be there for you through thick and thin, that is if you were there for her. At better times, you know, when she wasn’t divorced with Andre, she’s reliable and not teary-eyed and would wear a smile everyday. Even now, she puts on a brave face in front of us everyday. These qualities mirror Jessica’s and thus I see her as my second sister.

Last but not least, Tristan McCartney. What can I say? He shaped me into what I am today. He made me more confident about myself and stop being so childish, thinking that the world revolves around me. It actually stopped me from giving Jessica a very hard time in my ‘rebellious stage’. I learned to be myself and easy-going, being able to laugh and not be so moody and not be like a rubber-band that might snap any moment. The fact that he was there for me made me like him. It wasn’t a simple girly crush, it was a deep sense of… love. Am I just going to let it all go?