Collide / David Dobrik

4 / The Scientist

On Monday evening at 8:36 PM, Caroline's doorbell rang. She assumed it was Sam coming down to grab something or tell her something in person, and opened the door. Instead, it was David.

"Um?" Caroline said, opening the door.

"I.. I know today is hard" He said.

Caroline closed her eyes for a second.

"Yeah" She said, opening her eyes again. "I didn't know you even... marked the date"

"I did" David said. "Can I come in?"

"Um..." Caroline said, turning around and looking at her apartment as if she would gain some answer from this movement. "Sure"

She moved past the door and let David in, closing it behind her.

"Seriously, I can't really talk about this with anyone else and I wanted to make sure you were ok. I'm sorry for showing up here unannounced."

"It's ok" Caroline said simply, standing awkwardly in the middle of her living room with her arms crossed.

"What the fuck happened to you?" David asked.

"Excuse me?"

"You're... you are so different than you used to be"

"I mean, it's been years"

"Caroline, I came up to you at that party and you did not say one mean word or try to stand up for yourself or yell at me or anything. You would have screamed in my face if this had been a few years ago"

Caroline shrugged.

"LIKE THAT! What the fuck is that?"

Caroline just looked at David.

"Where did your passion go?"

"I... things change"

"You used to be so passionate, and so fiery, and so... here. We would have the best conversations about the deepest things and you were so, so funny. Every conversation i've overheard you having is so fucking mundane now and... just... what the fuck happened?"

Caroline felt her heart rate elevating as David continued to talk.

"I don't know what you mean" She said.

"You are a shell of who you used to be, have you been like this since-"

"Don't" Caroline simply said.

"You can't run from it forever, Caroline! You can't! You can't just not tell anybody about this and bottle it up and not even be willing to talk to it with the only other person in the whole world who went through it with you! You can't just do that!"

"David, don't start"

"No, i'm going to start because three years ago y-"

"David please"

"Yell at me!" David exclaimed, putting his arms out. "I'm fucking ready! Rebuttal! Argue with me!"

Caroline just stood there.

"Caroline, I fucked you over so horribly and you're just going to fucking stand there? Where the fuck did your personality go? Three years after-"

"I SAID DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT" Caroline finally yelled, surprising David. "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA, YOU WALKED AWAY FROM THIS FUCKING UNSCATHED AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"Keep going" David urged.

"And attacking my personality? Really?" Caroline asked, lowering her voice a bit.

"Tell me what you think of me, Caroline" David said.

"I think you're an amazing person who made a decision that hurt someone, and I think that really fucking sucks for both of us. It really fucking sucks."

David was quiet.

"After all of this, that's what you think of me?" David finally asked. "That's all you have to say?"

"Yeah, David, that's all I have to say"

David slumped down onto Caroline's couch, and she sat next to him, leaning forward.

"Do you hate me?" David asked.

"Honestly?" Caroline asked.

"Honestly"

"I hate the person who made that decision, but I love the person who loved me before that. I'm just not sure the person I loved ever fully existed, or if that was just in my head. It makes me fucking crazy thinking about it."

Caroline's words stung.

"But I care about you, and I never stopped caring about you. I stopped watching your videos and checking in with you, but I never stopped asking people about you to make sure you were ok. Never, and I probably never will"

"I am such a fucking piece of shit" David said.

"You're not. Hurting someone else while doing what you feel is right for yourself doesn't make you a piece of shit"

"You are sympathizing with me way too much"

"Because I went through it too"

David put his arm on Caroline's leg, looking her dead in the eyes.

"I know you won't accept it, and I don't expect you to, but I am so sincerely sorry for what I did to you, and if you need me to elaborate, I will"

"Don't elaborate" Caroline said, leaning into David.

David put his arm around Caroline and sat with her in silence for what felt like an eternity.

"You shouldn't be alone today" David said.

"I've been alone for the past few years, if you need to go it's ok" Caroline said.

David felt as though somebody had just shot him in the chest. He knew that Caroline hadn't said that to be dramatic, but had said it as a simple fact. She said what she meant and nothing else. She always said what she meant.

"I'm staying" David said.

David pulled Caroline a bit closer, absentmindedly kissing her on the head and taking her hand in his. Caroline looked up at him.

"Do you really think we should talk about this?" Caroline asked.

David nodded. Caroline breathed in.

"Ok"

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Oh take me back to the start

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Hey I renamed the chapters to have song titles because even though some of them don't need it there's one that needs to be named after a song so i'm making them all song titles, I encourage you to listen but I know it takes forever so no worries if u dont