I'm not in love
Per se
I'm only in love with the idea of us and what we can be.
So when my hands linger on your lips
I'm not thinking about the kiss you just gave me
I'm thinking about the speech you will give at our wedding when I possibly force you to make me a honest woman
I'm not in love with you
Though I say the words each day
It's just a ritual
Something I plagiarize from movies and novels
Not my reality.
Because in real life people do not fall in love
They just say I love you to the person they can tolerate the most.
Although I smile at your jokes and my heart races every time you are near me
I am not in love
Or am I?
I can't be
I'm not capable of love
My heart is frozen and stored away
Somewhere where it cannot be broken by anyone again.
I don't need love
I need security
And the idea of us makes me feel secure
So if it makes you want to continue being my refuge
I'll continue saying these words with as much conviction I can muster.
'I love you'
But I'm not in love.
