image ⌮ yang jeongin

7 | standards

吉

Jinha~

"Jinha, do you have a boyfriend?" Jeongin asked out of the blue.

"Me? Nope, never had one in my life." I remained unbothered while trying to write down some notes. We're currently studying at my place until dinner.

"Me too. Should we date? Just for experience," he giggled. "We could do couple-y things together! Hold hands, kiss, go on awesome dates... doesn't that sound awesome?"

"Nah, it sounds awful." I cut him off.

"Am I that ugly?" He suddenly became all self conscious and rolled himself up in a little ball. "Be honest with me."

"You're really cute." I said out loud, and soon regret it right after. My cheeks started to burn up and turn red- dammit.

"Awe! Thank you," Jeongin hugged me and I suddenly felt knots in my stomach. "You're very pretty. Actually, I know a lot of guys who like you."

"Eh? Me?" I pointed at myself and cringed in disgust.

"Heck yeah, you're exquisite." He looked at me and winked.

The atmosphere turned hot, and my cheeks became even more red. Why the hell am I being like this? Do I have a fever or something? Should I get out my thermometer?

"Oh um..." we both reached for the eraser and accidentally dropped it right after.

"You can use it first." He gave it to me like a true gentleman.

"Thanks..." I erased away my mistakes, but not all of them. I'm still here.

"He's here again..." Jeongin rolled his eyes, as he heard Junkyu's voice coming from outside. "He's here very often. Do you like him?"

"No thanks." I replied in an exaggerated tone. I can't believe I'm so picky when it comes to guys, like my standards are seriously way too unrealistic-

"That's good." He smiled to himself.

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Jeongin~

"Noona?" I walked in on her and her girlfriend smooching. Welp... didn't need to see that.

"Oh Jeongin~ah! The food is in the fridge," Eunbi blocked her girlfriend, Sana's view and motioned me to go away. "Get lost!"

"Okay, thanks!" I winked at Sana, and I'm pretty sure I heard an "awe" from her.

I jumped on my bed and attempted to answer these hypothetical questions in my head about prejudice, taboos and stereotypes.

I remember when my parents first found out that my sister was lesbian; they were mad angry. Why? Because they didn't want Eunbi to get hurt. Why would they think that? Because even tho it's already the twenty-first century, some people still don't agree with same sex relationships. Yes, everyone has the right to have their own opinions- but calling them out and telling them inappropriate slurs? I think the fuck not. If you're gonna call them out and say rude things, then keep it to yourself. All you're doing is being a hypocrite, even though you don't realize it. Sometimes you're already mentally tormenting another person- you're abusing the right of another human and also yourself.

My parents were both taught to think that way. It was passed down by their parents and ancestors since being homosexual is such a big taboo in Asia, and still is. It took them quite a while to finally accept her- realizing that they can't change the fact that she's lesbian, but what they can do is accept and support her, because that's exactly what she needs right now in this awful judgemental society.

Eunbi is very happy. That's all that matters.

I looked to my right side and saw the medicine case. It's still completely full, since I haven't been taking them like I'm supposed to.

I took my own camera out and started recording my life.

"So I'm by myself right now, at my own crib. You see this?" I did a three-sixty view of my room. "It looks like H-E-L-L, right? Kinda like a hospital. In the past I needed constant medical care, that's why it looks like this. It makes me quite sad to look at everything, but happy since I've made it this far..."

I took some pills out of the medicine case, and twisted off the lid of a water bottle.

"I feel bad for my parents, so I guess I'll just take these for them. Bon appétit!" I put them all in my mouth at once, and swallowed them with the help of water. "Jinha, if you ever watch this... I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I used to be very ill. Maybe I still am."

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Yeah, this chapter mostly just talked about prejudice and such but heyyy I think it's really important! Always be yourself!

Song: Eric Nam (에릭남) — I'm OK (괜찮아 괜찮아)