image ⌮ yang jeongin

19 | break

艾丝

Jeongin~

"Hey, are you okay?" I sat beside Jinha but she didn't respond. "Did I say anything dumb last night?"

"No, it's fine..." She finally looked at me, but she seems awfully disappointed. "Just don't drink again. I don't like that- not until you're eighteen."

"Alright, I'm sorry for acting that way." I apologized to her and she nodded in return.

"You answered my question yesterday though... thanks," Jinha said with a hint of sarcasm. "What would I have to do, to get you to truly love me?"

"Huh- did I say something like that? Forgive me... I probably didn't mean it. You don't have to do anything, I love you so much."

"Do you, really?" She took a long deep breath. "I'm confused about my feelings... can you give me some space for a while?"

"Jinha, I don't have time. I wish I could wait, because I would- I swear... but I'm just getting even weaker everyday. What would become of me if you're not there? Is this because of Junkyu- do you like him?"

"No! Junkyu's just a friend... I'm just tired of being used as a replacement. I know you're just dating me because I remind you of my sister, and you even made it clear with me last night. Drunken confessions never lie..."

"Why are you being so immature? I just said one thing-"

"One thing that really hurt me! I didn't sleep at all last night thinking of what you fucking said... why should I be with someone who doesn't even like me? Give me time to think."

"I'll give it to you, but don't expect me to still be there once you come back."

_________________________

Jinha~

I'm so stupid, why did I do that?

I rolled myself up into a little ball, all covered in thick blankets. I quickly fell front- face first, and started screaming my heart out onto my pillow.

"You stupid bitch, why'd you break up with him?!?" I began kicking the bed.

Why didn't I just tell him about my worries so that we could have at least tried to fix it? But would that even change anything- would that make me happy? Maybe I did the right thing... hopefully.

I stared at my phone, waiting to see if Jeongin would call me. Hours past, and not even a single text message was sent...

I guess he feels the same way. Maybe he was unhappy with our relationship too... the last thing he said to me earlier, it felt like I was being stabbed. It means he doesn't mind if I'm not there, that he's better off without me.

I went downstairs and got myself a tub of ice cream and a few other snacks. I deserve these... who do I impress now anyways? No one would notice if I gain a bit of weight.

"Boo! What's that?" Junkyu yelled, startling me. The very last person I wanted to see today.... sigh.

"Let me eat!" I cried and he just laughed at my frustration.

"Are you on your period? Do you want me to cook you something yummy... and healthy?" He looked at my snacks and cringed.

"Fine, sure... but no. I'm not on my period- I'm going through a break up." I suddenly felt the urge to break down once again.

"You and Jeongin? How? Why?" He suddenly bombarded me with questions.

"Because I'm stupid, immature and over-sensitive. I fucking hate myself..." I sat on a chair and suddenly felt sick in the stomach. "I'm regretting it now, and it's only been a few hours."

"What'd he say?" Junkyu sat on a different chair while continuing to console me.

"I don't want to say it... it hurts," I clasped my hands together, and forced myself to not throw a tantrum or something. "It's all my fault though. Jeongin never did anything wrong, he was just confused and so was I. He already told many times that he loved me, but I never believed him... and I never even said it back."

"You know what? I lied," Junkyu instantaneously confessed. "About the whole I've never had a serious girlfriend thing- hell yeah, I've had one... why would I be like this if I haven't? That girl fucked me up real good."

"What happened?" I suddenly grew interest in his personal life stories. "If I may ask..."

"Well, I was in a very serious relationship with this girl for about two years. She was everything to me, I loved her so much..." he smiled at the thought of her. "We were doing so well, our relationship was so healthy- I never thought anything could go wrong."

"And then?" I rest my head on the table.

"She all of a sudden broke up with me- I had no idea why. I didn't do anything wrong... but then she mentioned how she felt suffocated, and that it has always just been one sided. So if you ask me what hurts the most? It's probably when only one person in the relationship does everything to keep the fireworks going. Because yeah, it gets pretty exhausting... and it's extremely painful."

"Which one were you?"

"The one who always tries," Junkyu let out a weak smile. "She was the reason why Jeongin and I fought... because I loved her, but she loved him. I let go to end her suffering."

_________________________

Song: Chase Atlantic — Angeline