Resist

12

I woke to sun in my eyes, light streaming down from the high windows and warming our still bodies. I blinked, bringing a hand up to rub my sleepy eyes as I sat up.

My movement woke Jack who was lying beneath me; my head had been lying on his chest. He stirred vaguely, a low mumble coming from his mouth, and then turned his head, eyes still shut, and resumed sleep. I couldn’t help but look down at him, a smile appearing on my face. In kissing him last night, I had admitted to myself finally that I did like him, more than I felt safe doing. I only hoped he liked me back. But then he had initiated the kiss…

Looking out the windows, I gauged the time on the height of the sun. With a start, I realized breakfast would already be on the tables. I reached out for Jack’s shoulder, shaking him awake.

“Jack, we’ve gotta go, breakfast is already served, people will wonder where we are at.”

“Five more minutes,” he whined, his morning voice so raspy it took me a moment to know what he had said.

“Jackson!” I scolded as he refused to open his eyes, only drawing his arms in closer to his body as he lay on his side.

I stood up, fully intending to leave him, and it did the trick. When he heard my footsteps, his eyes snapped open, searching for me as I left the foyer. At the entrance to the hall he saw me and jumped to his feet.

“You weren’t really just going to leave where you?” Jack asked as he ran a hand through his hair.

"No but it sure got you up quickly,” I laughed.

We walked side by side down the hall, my hand itching to snake its way into his but unsure if it was okay. I didn’t know where we stood exactly, and despite him having taken my hand before, I was conflicted; that had been one the way out where it was empty, this was on the way to the crowded dining hall.

We arrived to breakfast, me finger combing my hair last minute to not make it look like we’d been out all night. I was sure Nessa and Sicily would be pestering me with questions of where I’d been.

As usual, my roommates and the boys were all seated around one table. Being of all around the same age, I guess they’d all naturally become friends and automatically added me to the group. Jack and I approached, noticing that he kept a larger gap between us than when we’d been in the hall.

“Hey Essie!” Sicily said as I slipped into the seat on the end beside her, Jack straight across. “Where’d you end up last night?”

Before I could answer, Will piped up from further down the table. “Jack, where’ve you two been?” he teased his friend, his tongue in his cheek as he smiled broadly at his own  comment.

Jack shot him a look to kill before getting up and going to get his food. I waited a moment before going too.

“Jack,” I began as we grabbed plates side-by-side, “Do you not want to let on to them that we were together last night?” his whole demeanor screamed yes but I wanted to hear him say it, to be sure.

He was silent for a moment as he grabbed a role. “Yah, I think so, they’ll never let it go if they know, and we’ll be getting jokes forever.”

Somehow, I knew that his words weren’t the real cause for his no but I didn’t push it. I still felt as though you didn’t push Jack. Surprisingly though, it hurt to hear him say that no. What had I gotten myself into?

The day was long, filled with meaningless tasks like the ones before. Trying to be helpful in the kitchen became too frustrating so after lunch I helped Eden deep clean the infirmary. Apparently someone had the flu and every trace needed to be erased from their visit. I discovered that mopping was a good workout.  I didn’t see any of the boys much, and Jack not at all, after breakfast to my disappointment. Part of me had wanted to see how Jack acted if we passed in an otherwise empty corridor but alas it did not happen. And by ten or so, Sicily, Nessa, and slumped into bed, the light off and the blankets pulled over our heads against the fall chill that seeped through the floor boards.