Resist

18

"Where have you been?" Sicily immediately grilled me like a mother as I crept into the room well past the time I should have been in bed. I had stayed in the foyer long after Jack and Brody left, trying to compose myself well enough to come back to the room. I knew Sicily would be able to tell if I had been crying, she was sensitive to others in that way, and didn't want to answer any of the questions that came along with her observational skills.

"You're not my mother," I muttered as I pulled off my boots, setting them at the end of the bed and climbing right in, still clothed. I was much too worn out to change into proper clothes for sleeping.

I could feel Sicily's eyes on me still as I rolled over and closed my eyes, fully intending to simply go to sleep. Eventually, the bed shifted and I knew she had rolled over, giving up her futile attempt to withdraw information from me.

The next few days passed in a blur of avoiding Jack and training, not the two simplest things to do together seeing as he was always in the weaponry. It turned more into a game of ignoring him, something not so hard to do since he remained so quite. It was easier to pretend someone wasn't existing when they weren't vouching for your attention. Suddenly, I was glad of Jack's strange aversion to others knowing of our interactions; it made it all the easier to feign ignorance to his simple attempts at eye contact, the only contact he allowed when with the other kids of The Recovery.

I tried to spend time with Eden after dinner these days, either helping her ready remedies in reused glass bottles or cleaning the ward after those with sickness left it's healing walls.

"Essie, why do I get the feeling your hiding here?" Eden asked me out of the blue one day as we made the beds with clean linens.

"I am not-" I began just as the door cracked. I tensed, flicking my eyes to the incoming person and breathing a sigh of relief when I saw Gavin.

"Oh I beg to differ," Eden said, her voice full of knowing, as she finished tucking a corner under the mattress and went to greet Gavin.

They talked for a minute, their voices just low enough that I couldn't hear them from where I was across the room, and then, as Eden began walking away from him, Gavin called me over.

"Yes?" I asked as I took my turn talking with him by the door.

"I have been talking to the boys a bit and they are truly impressed with your abilities with the bow and asked if you could join them on the next raid they do. I just asked Eden and she cleared you to go. If you are okay with it, their next raid is in two days," he informed me, his tone all business.

"I don't know if I'm ready," I thought aloud. "I've only been shooting for a week, that can't have been enough practice."

"Tucker and Jackson generally take the reins on the raids; now that they're older I let them run things on these outings, so talk to them maybe and find out exactly how they plan to utilize your skills. Perhaps that will help. I, for one, think you should go. They are so eager to have you join them that I don't doubt your abilities despite not having seen them myself."

I nodded, already knowing I would be seeking out Tucker tonight and not Jack. I wanted to hear their plans but under no circumstances did I want to have to speak to Jack. Come to think of it, how would I go on a raid if I didn't want to speak to him?

"I'll leave you to think things over then," Gavin said as he turned to leave. "Just know I'm encouraging you to get out there and join them; you've been cooped up here too long."

I nodded again as he pulled the door shut behind him, my thoughts whirling as I tried to decide if I truly felt ready.

"Eden, I'm going to go find Tucker," I called. She just waved her hand in acknowledgment as she dug through a box on the floor of bottles, the glass clinking as she searched through it.