Resist

34

It was the first time either of us had said it aloud, only insinuated it in other ways with our words or used body language to convey the feeling. Jack's eye's widened momentarily and I began to panic that it had been wrong to say it. What would happen if he didn't say it back? I knew it happened to people, and it wasn't the end of the world, but with Jack I suddenly felt like it would be. Despite our rocky beginning, everything else that had happened seemed to override it and I knew he was no longer the man afraid to show himself emotionally, that he had moved past that enough that I couldn't give him that scapegoat; if he loved me, he would say it and if he didn't say it, then he didn't love me.

All my hurried worries were in vain: "I love you," he responded, looking deep into my eyes. "I love you and we live in a screwed up world and anything could happen at anytime and we could lose each other possibly and at any moment and life is precarious and I'm scared of all of that and I love you."

I choked with emotion and instead of saying anything I just wrapped my arms around Jack and pulled myself to him. I was internally angry for not saying anything back after his beautiful words but I just couldn't and we'd been communicating with body language for long enough that I knew that he knew that I felt the same as his little speech.

We sat in silence for a time and then Jack murmured a small, “We should sleep,” and laid back on the bed. I followed suit, tucking myself under the quilt. Jack immediately hooked an arm around my waist and pulled me into him, nestling together as we always did. I could feel his breathe on the back of my neck as we lay silently, and strangely I was thinking about how different I must feel to him now than when he'd first held me that time in the lobby. Then, I had still been starved and thin from the streets, my bones protruding too far from my body. Now, I had regained most of that weight to be healthy, my hips no longer digging into his hands when he rested them there.

"Jack," I began, "what do you think comes after all this? If we do manage to bring down Xavier someday will life go back to the way it was? Will The Recovery all break up?" What will happen to us? I left the latter unsaid, but implied.

"We couldn't just let this all go, we've all grown too close for that," Jack asserted. "But I don't know, I would think it would depend on who's families were alive though. A lot of us are unknown, you don't know even where your family is, so some people would return to theirs." I had told Jack the full story of my family and how we had been separated, how my brothers had been lost in the crowd, shortly after he had fully opened up to me. It was funny how he had always been closed off more but been the first to be fully open about their past, not that either was something to hide, just something hard to share.

"All us kids would be so confused," I thought aloud. "We've been given this responsibility of fighting and leading. To go back to life with family and have parents trying to keep us safe, that'd be so strange. We've been looking out for ourselves and each other but not had the kind of control a parent puts down, you know?"

Jack nodded. "I can't imagine having my mum come and tell me to clean my room anymore, as much as it would be welcome though." I understood fully, it felt alien to have that happen but he wished more than anything that his family was still here, that he would have someone to return to if this ever ended.

"Jack, what will happen to you?"

"I guess I'd just live on my own, or with you if your family-" he cut himself off there however, realizing what he had been about to say. If my family wasn't around anymore I finished for him in my thoughts. I did not know if any of them lived or not, I could have them all still or none. They could have even left London trying to find a safer place and I could never see them again for that reason. There were just so, so many unknowns. But suddenly I could see it, living with Jack after all this, if they were not around anymore. I saw him and I in our late twenties, living in a row house, drinking tea together in the morning; it was a future I could picture all too easily.

"I guess we'll just have to see how this all plays out," I told him.

"Yes we will."

With that we drifted into silence, growing tired as the sun sunk it's last bit below the horizon. Jack fell asleep before I did, his deep breathes and slight snoring comforting to me. I was curled into his chest, his breathes hitting the top of my head and stirring my hair. With one hand resting on him and our legs tangled, I fell asleep too.

I woke to the sunlight warming me through the curtains, a hole letting in a ray of light that landed on me exactly. Stretching, I realized I was in the bed alone; my feet and hands had not hit someone else.

Then I remembered Jack had left on the raid, awakening before the sun even rose to head out. I sat up, removing the sheets from over my body, and disrupted a piece of paper. It flew into the air and then fluttered to the floor beside the bed, resting on the moth eaten carpet. I picked it up, unfolded it, and instantly recognized the hand writing from the other note I had received from Jack when he had left the boots for me.

"Good morning girlie," I read aloud for myself. "I didn't want to wake you before I left. Here's a kiss. XX I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I love you."

I carefully tucked the note into a pocket of my trousers, still on the floor from last night as I'd slept in Jack's shorts and my panties. I then pulled them on and left the room, clicking the door shut behind me, heading back to mine to ready for the day.