The Controlling Lover (ON HOLD)

Chapter Nineteen

I walked out to the terrace as Arnav went upstairs to the library. Sigh... why is it so hard to tell someone your feelings? -____- ridiculous.

I heard Arnav's voice and he came into the living room. I entered as well, but he was still on the phone. When he saw me, he held a finger up, requesting another minute, and I nodded.

Sigh... this is starting to get irritating.

I went into the gallery and started pacing there as Arnav spoke on the phone. A few minutes later, Arnav came in, placing his phone in his pocket.

"Okay, I'm free now," he stated.

I chuckled lightly.

"So what were you going to tell me," he asked curiously.

Uh oh. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my courage up, ready to tell him.

"Well," he asked.

Oh good grief, why is this so hard!!!!!!!!!!!

Arnav scrunched his eyebrows.

"Um... well...."

Arnav crossed his arms, still looking curious.

Okay, I need to get this over with! Or else I'll never do it cause I'm a coward.

"Okay, I'll say it," I breathed.

"Okay," she smirked slightly, and I know he's entertained by my fidgeting, so I made a face.

"Sorry," he said.

I rolled my eyes and then took a deep breath. "Well... we've been spending quite some time now together, in fact, a long time together."

Arnav tilted his head.

"And of all the guys I've met, you're the only one that I've really trusted. I've trusted you enough that I've even shown you everything there is to me. Mentally... and physically," I blushed. "And spending all this time together, I've realized something."

Arnav scrunched his eyebrows again and the corner of his lips curved slightly. "And what's that," he questioned.

I took a deep breath and let it all out. "That I love you," I breathed.

Arnav's face went blank, his expression falling. He just stared at me, blinking only once. I looked down, feeling unsure if telling him now was even right! But what can I do now?! I already told him!

Shit!

"What did you say," Arnav breathed.

I looked up at Arnav, him already looking into my eyes. "I love you," I breathed.

Arnav turned away and looked out at the terrace. I looked at his face so that I could figure out what he was thinking, but I got nothing.

"Arnav?"

Arnav turned away from me and stepped away into the living room. "You can't Khushi."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "What?"

Arnav whipped around. "You can't love me Khushi!"

I felt my heart drop. "W-what? ... why?"

"Khushi, do not ask me questions. All I'm saying is to NOT love me."

I felt my heart starting to break, but I was completely confused. "Arnav, I can't do that because I already love you-"

"What do you not fucking understand," Arnav boomed. "I said to not fucking love me! I'm not worth loving!"

"I don't get what you mean-"

"I don't care if you fucking get it or not - you cannot have those fucking feelings for me! Do NOT fucking love me!"

I just gaped at Arnav. I don't think I've ever seem him this angry.

Arnav turned away. "Just go home Khushi."

Go home? But why? I felt so confused and completely heartbroken.

"Khushi you need to go home - NOW!"

I shook my head. "I won't," I exclaimed, tears forming in my eyes. "Arnav I can't leave you, I-"

"I don't CARE! Just fucking leave!"

"I don't get it! Arnav, why can't I love you?!"

Suddenly, Arnav grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall, my wrists pinned.

"Ah! Arnav-"

"Understand this Khushi," Arnav said, looking straight into my eyes with complete anger, "I am NOT capable of loving. At all."

"I don't care-"

"But I do! You need to leave!"

"But I won't!"

Arnav looked away and then back at me. "Khushi, I am begging you - please leave."

The tears escaped and came flowing down as I shook my head. "No," I whispered.

Arnav cupped my face and whipped my tests away with his thumbs. "Please don't cry."

"I can't. ... I'm scared you might leave me."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because of how you're behaving! It's like you might leave me and never want to see me again."

And then out of nowhere, Arnav hugged me.

"Please don't cry," Arnav murmured into my hair.

I held onto Arnav tightly. "Have I done something wrong," I whispered.

"Khushi... the thing is that no one can love me."

"I don't believe that."

Arnav broke away. "Trust me Khushi, it's true."

"I don't care. I love you too much," I said, looking directly into his eyes.

Arnav let go of me and walked away. He made a sound of frustration and then turned to look at me, having this look that I couldn't understand whatsoever.

"Fine then," Arnav said, putting his hands in his pockets, his head tilted. "I'll make you a deal."