The Kissing Booth A New Chapter.

58 CONFESSION/FORGIVENESS?

I look at the two of them and sigh they are two of the most important people in my life and what I am about to say is going to destroy all the trust they have in me. Taking a deep breath, I look at Ro, and she grips my hand "tell them, Lee. You need help, and they deserve to know." I see the worry in my Twins eyes and confusion in bros, so I take a deep breath...

"See everything was going great for all of us you until Beth freaked out about Shelly not batting an eye about me being in boxers when she walked into my room to borrow a pair of sweats. She told me I had to choose her or Shelly and as usual, I chose Shelly. Beth started accusing Shelly and me of having an affair. When I told her about the kiss or should I say kisses we had shared, she was furious. She didn't believe that there was nothing between us. Hell, she even went as far as to claim that all three of us were having sex together. I was grossed out to tell you the truth. First the idea of having sex with my bestie/twin and then to add my big bro to the mix hello talk about disgusting. I started spiraling downhill.

Then I met Ro, and I started falling and falling hard. The problem was that I didn't trust she could love me and understand our twiness Shelly, so I tried closing my feelings off. It didn't help me any seeing you and Noah together laughing and cuddling. Not to mention all the wedding planning going on around me especially with you two asking for my opinion. I kept thinking that I should be the one planning a wedding with one of my many ex-girlfriends, not my best friend and brother who have only really dated each other. I know you dated Lewis Shells, but I knew deep down you didn't love him, and that you still loved Noah so, I didn't count him. Then as we all know that girl didn't count since it was all blackmail.

I know I should have been happy for the two of you finally being back together and happy and honestly, in the beginning, I was happy for the two of you. I was over the moon with joy and dreams of my future nieces and nephews. Yeah, I know you all are not ready to have kids, but I would picture you with two girls and two boys for me and the little man to spoil. Then one day it hit me I was never going to get married and never have kids all because no one understood our twiness and I got jealous. I hated your all's relationship and I couldn't see that Ro and Oscar had the same kind of relationship as we do Shells so I started wishing the pain would stop. I was drinking I guess I had already had too much when I opened the medicine cabinet and found your pain pills from your bruised ribs Shells. I had seen William take pills and alcohol before and figured why the hell not. So, I took one with a swallow of bourbon. Within thirty minutes my pain was gone.

I left that night and went to a club where I bumped into William he was all over this girl. Now mind you he had already confessed he had a massive crush on you Shelly and how he was not ever going to go out on a date or sleep with a girl until he was over you so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Granted I was surprised that he was doing precisely what he said he would never do and that was lead a girl on as if she had a chance or so I thought. I found out that night the reason he took pills and alcohol was to forget you and the pain and it gave him the courage to bang any girl willing. As the night progressed, we were both pretty drunk, and we were able to convince the girl into a threesome and went to her apartment. While there we took turns and even had around all three of us together." I see the disgusted looks on their faces and take another deep breath...

In the middle of all of this, her roommate walked in and joined us I don't know how long the four of us had sex that night I only remember bits and pieces of the night. I don't even remember the girl's names. I woke up next to one of them and couldn't tell you who she was or if she was even the girl we left the club with or not. This went on every night for a week until I got the idea of starting to have sex with all these girls in the common room of our apartment. I had decided that if I couldn't be happy you two didn't deserve to be happy either so I devised a plan to break you two up. I would help William steal you panties Shells hoping he would leave them lying around his room for Noah to find so he would leave you but I found out eventually that he would sneak them back in so you two wouldn't know that he had ever had them. Then it hit me to have sex in the common room and invite the two of you to join. Also, encourage William to hit on you Shells hoping you would give in to his advances if he were in the buff. I should have known better you are my twin after all and you would never hurt Noah in that way plus you are not some slut. I should have realized that even if Noah wasn't in the picture and you were single, you would never have had sex with William like that since you had been dating Lewis for months and you two never had sex.

What made this all worse for me was that I was hurting so much and spiraling down faster and faster yet the one person I needed the one person that was always there for me seemed to have forgotten me. So, there I was with no girlfriend because I chose this person and she didn't realize I needed her. I started popping pills regularly right now all I want is one of those fucking pills and a drink. I understand you two have been busy with the wedding and school, but it was like I no longer existed. It has been over a month since we had a bestie day and it is killing me. I know what I have done is wrong, selfish, stupid and unforgivable but please I love you both with all my heart, and I hope you can forgive me. I didn't realize what I could lose until M&D showed me that video of what happened that night. When I saw William touch Shelly in the buff, I was disappointed in myself and hated what I did. It was bad enough when I offered the girl to Noah and saw the pain in my twins face not to mention the disgust in both your faces. I only hope you two can forgive me and let me continue to be a part of your lives."

I sit there watching the two of them hoping they will forgive me. I see the tears streaming down Shelly's cheeks and watch how Noah pulls her in close rocking her back and forth knowing she is hurting from what I have confessed. Noah looks up at me "Lee I am sorry that Shelly and I were so busy we didn't notice you hurting, but I don't know what else I can say to you about all of this. We need time to talk and think about what you have done. Hell bro you saw how I was when I thought I lost her and how she was when I fucked up and you still went down that path. You didn't even take into account the damage it would do back home with the rents and the little man. I am not saying there is no chance for forgiveness but Shelly and I need to talk about our future, and it will be a while before either of us could ever truly trust you again."

NPOV

I watch my brother stand up nod his head and head out of our hotel room. Ro looks at the two of us "look I am not making excuses for him because I know he was wrong, but I can understand where he is coming from when he was in his hole. Two years ago I did something similar. Unfortunately, no one was quick enough to help me, and I ended up in a hospital having a miscarriage. I was lucky even though the miscarriage was a violent one since that night I ended up with too many guys to count they were ruff and I almost lost my uterus in the process. It took me a while to fully heal and come to terms with the fact that I need to tell my twin when I am hurting if he is too busy to notice and be happy for him and my sister. Please really think about what your future holds for the three of you. Right now Lee is broken, and he needs you two to fully heal. Just know that most of his decisions were because of the drugs."

With that, she walked out the door leaving Shelly and myself alone. I looked down at her while she glanced up at me. "What are we going to do Noah? I am mad at him that he had so little respect for our relationship. So little respect for me as his bestie or you has his brother, but I am hurting that I missed the signs he needed me. I have never done that before." As the tears slide down my dear Shelly's face, I wipe them clean. "Look I am kicking myself in the ass as well baby he is my little brother I am supposed to look after him. I am supposed to protect him from everything including himself. Now I find out that he was destroying himself because he was hurting and we were so wrapped up in each other we didn't see." I held her as she cried herself to sleep after everything Lee had told us sunk in and opened her eyes. After she fell asleep, I carried her to our bed laying her down and picked up my phone calling the one person I needed right now the one person that I depended on when life got to tough for me.

My mom answered the phone on the first ring "I was wondering when you were going to call baby boy." "Mom what are we going to do? I love him, but he hurt me, and he hurt Shelly. Mom, he may be my brother, but I will not let him break her; I just got her back in my life." "I know baby boy, but he is broken. I went through his room here, and he had hidden in his room ten bottles of alcohol and about 30 packets of pills. I am not even going to tell you what your dad found throughout the apartment." "So, it is bad." "Yeah, now your father or I, are not asking you to forgive him far from it what he did to you two could be classified as unforgivable, but I am asking for you two to consider all possibilities." I take a deep breath "Ok mom I will talk to Shelly and see what she wants to do but she is breaking down because she didn't notice he was hurting. She just cried herself to sleep and if he wasn't my brother mom..." "Yeah, I know Noah he would be in a hospital right now and you in jail." "Goodbye, mom I love you." "I love you too baby boy take care of our girl." "I will."

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