We Are Damaged /A Creek fanfic/

IX - Cut

self harm, but they play uno

It was the middle of December. A week has passed since we went to the pizzeria and me and Tweek were a bit busy, but we tried our best to hang out.

I haven't been doing well lately. Parents.. mom and father, well.. they are kinda assholes.

It's partly my fault. I bring home shitty teacher notes about my behavior which just sets them off every time. It's been overwhelming for the past two or three days.

Dad always says shit like.. 'you're a failure' or 'I can't believe I raised such a disappointment' which I always brush off but.. it's become really hard.

The thing is, I believed him. I totally understand where his words came from. Even though I'm kind of smart, I never try at all. It might sound I do stuff effortlessly, but no. If something doesn't work for the first time, I just quit to avoid any shame.

I am a pussy, just like he tells me all the time. I don't blame him for telling the truth.

He is 100% correct. I just put on this shitty shell of 'hurr durr I'm strong' but in the end, I still cry when I'm alone.

Shitty stuff starts here

I've been clean for some time now but.. it's in the middle of the night. I'm not gonna call Tweek. I would just freak him out. I'll just cut somewhere he won't notice for sure.

I'm a failure.

I sneaked down to the kitchen.

I'm pathetic.

I opened the drawer.

I'm weak.

I took out 'the knife'.

I'm a laughing stock.

I went back up.

I don't matter.

I locked the door.

I should die.

I rolled up my sleeve.

Before I lowered the blade, I stopped. How can I be such an idiot? Jesus.

Tweek will see if I cut on my arm.

I rolled my sleeve down and I rolled my pajama up instead. My right thigh was exposed.

Alright, I've already prepared myself. I can do this.

I lowered the blade and squeezed a straight, slightly diagonal line on my skin. It didn't hurt that much, I'll need to sharpen it soon.

And then I.. moved the blade. I did it slowly, I made sure I was going to make blood come out. I always felt like a wuss when I couldn't bring myself to cut that deep. I won't be a failure at this.

I felt the pain. In my skin, in my flesh, in my nerves. It was relieving.

I deserve this. This is good for me. Oh god, I've forgotten how this puts me into ecstasy. I enjoy this.

I don't know how I survived without this for two whole months..

The blade cut deeper. Sharp, cold pain rushed through. I brought it backwards in the same slow manner.

"Holy... shit..." I breathed out.

I took the knife away and glanced at my wound. It was very deep. Blood was seeping from the cut. It wasn't like I was gonna bleed out, but it was enough to satisfy me.

Shitty stuff has ended, enjoy!

I smiled with a tint of pleasure. I got up sloppily and went to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and sanitized the knife and my wound. After I took the knife down, I got into bed. My phone was on the charger so I checked it.

Tweeky: Hey, I cant sleep :/

Tweeky: I know there's some games on this app so if you're online we could play

I smiled. He's so sweet. It's well after 1AM, he's gonna be tired.

Then my smile disappeared. Fuck, I'm an idiot. He'll be super mad and furious if he finds out. He can't find out- he can't. I won't allow it. I know I'm basically braking our deal but I just can't do that to him.

Sigh. I should text him back.

Me: Heya, sure what do u wanna play?

Tweeky: Mmmm Uno? I mean, a rip-off of Uno?

Me: you mean 'Solo'?

Tweeky: ughhh nooo, you know what I mean it's called Card Game in the menu D:<

Me: fine fine

I glanced at the 'online' tab and saw Clyde and Jimmy was online.

Me: Tweek, you wanna invite the boys?

Tweeky: already texted them

Tweeky: :p

And so we played. Clyde and Jimmy joined in and we had fun. We even did a group call so I could tell everyone to fuck off if they messed with me. Clyde and Tweek took the game a tad too seriously. I don't know how their parents could sleep but there was some shouting.

My wound constantly hurt as a reminder. Maybe I shouldn't have-

Nah, I'm too used to it by now. I'll manage. I only have one thing that I mustn't fuck up and it involves me not taking off my pants at school so I'll be a-OK.

After the game, only me and Tweek remained in the call.

"This was fun." I said. I heard him chuckle in my earbuds.

"Yeah, we should definitely do this again! I love how Clyde miss-clicked on the draw four card and accidentally chose red. He's such a dork." Tweek replied with cheer in his voice.

I smiled. His voice sounded tired and cute. "Yeah, he's always like that. 27/4."

Tweek started giggling.

"What?" I asked with confusion.

"You said 27/4." He replied.

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" Tweek's voice broke and he started laughing louder.

"Oh, fuck me." I rolled my eyes. "It's 24/7, right?"

"Yeah, you should sleep. I'm sleepy too." He said and shuffled in his bed. His tone was nice and warm.

"Alright." I tried replying with the same sweetness he had in his voice. "Sleep well."

"You too." Tweek said.

We both hung up.

He makes me so happy by just two minutes of calling.

Maybe I shouldn't have cut.