We Are Damaged /A Creek fanfic/

XV - Back

Where would I go? I didn't really plan. All I wanted is to walk out but... I don't want to go home, that would make me depressed-

Depressed?

The lodge.

I know it's cold, I know it's almost Christmas but... I want to see it. Again. I want to remember when we went there and he told me everything. I want it to be reality.

I didn't know where I headed, but I started walking inside the forest. There was a small path in the beginning but it soon disappeared under the thickening snow.

Damn, it's so cold. I wish I brought my cap and scarf. I'm so forgetful, I need to make post-its to remember stuff, it's so embarrassing. And right now... I guess I'm lost. I don't even know where I'm walking.

The forest looked completely different from when it looked like in Autumn. The change of landscape didn't really help-

Then, I found it. Just when I thought I'd freeze. The same lodge, the same window and roof... I was sure I knew where I was.

I walked up to the door and turned the frozen knob but it wouldn't budge.

"Oh for god's sake! This thing is locked and I forgot." I exclaimed and kicked the door lightly. "I'm an idiot.."

I was about to turn back in shame but I realized he might have a spare key around the house. I moved all the stones, checked the door mat, looked at the windowsills, but I didn't find anything.

He might not be as big of an idiot as I am. I opened my messaging app and clicked his name. before I started typing, I stopped myself.

"N-No... I shouldn't." My hand twitched in my hesitation. My freezing fingers hovered over the message bar, unable to move. I sighed.

I guess... I'll ask him... No- that messes up my plan but-

And then I texted him.

Me: do you have a spare key

"Fuck!" I shouted. "Control yourself, fucktard!"

He instantly replied.

Craig~: for what

Craig~: Tweek where are you

I locked my screen but unlocked it again.

Me: for your cabin

Craig~: why are you there?? it's -6 degrees outside! ((21.2 Fahrenheit))

I didn't type in anything. After a minute of waiting and spazzing out in silence, I saw the 'writing' icon appear again.

Craig~: come on, say something.

Me: i..

Craig~: should I ditch? last lesson is Gym anyways

Me: no don't you dare.

Me: i know everything, Craig.

I exhaled shakily. His speech bubble kept appearing and disappearing.

Me: so do you have a spare key?

Craig~: next to the door behind a loose brick

I didn't thank him. He didn't say sorry so I guess we were even on that part. I quickly found the loose brick he was talking about and pulled it out of it's place. And there it was, a silver-colored key. I took it and put the brick back in place.

I quickly inserted the key, turned it and voila, the door opened. After walking inside, I took the key out and put it on the inner side of the lock. I turned the key and locked myself inside. I didn't take it out so that no one could open it.

I looked around. The place was familiar and warm. Not in temperature, of course. Maybe it was a few degrees warmer inside though, so that was okay.

I sat down on an armchair by the window and took my boots off. I kicked the snow next to the wall so it wouldn't make every part of the house wet.

The whole place was well-decorated. I hate to admit but Craig has a good taste in furniture and other stuff. Though I think he found these chairs and the bed randomly. Or someone has given him the stuff.

I didn't have time to think at all because my phone rang loudly. I swiftly took it out of my pocket and glanced at it.

Token.

"..." What am I supposed to do now?

The phone kept ringing. Then it stopped. But then, he called again.

I sighed and picked it up. "Hi." I said without any sign of delight.

"Hey." He greeted me. His voice was silent. I heard some people from the other line so I figured they had a break.

"What do you want?" I asked, getting to the point.

Token took his time to answer. "I'm- I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Shut up." I felt my throat tighten.

"... please, come back. Everyone is freaking out." He sounded desperate.

I burst into tears. This time, I was louder. Token just listened to it. I sniffled a few times before yelling into the phone.

"He wasn't worried about me when he fucked Stan!" I felt weak. I'm not supposed to be this emotional. "What am I supposed to feel now, Token? I can't just accept a sorry and pretend he didn't leech on his neck like a thousand times!"

"I- I know. Just... don't do anything stupid."

"Like what? Go and fuck Kenny? I might as well, we'd be even at least." I spat. My tears were hot but cooled down in the chilly air.

"Please don't." Token said bitterly.

"Hmpf." I said and hung up on him. I curled up again like I did in the restroom and started sobbing. Token called me, not even him. I guess he knew I'd just block his number.

I need to stop crying. It's making me thirsty.

I sighed. Enough emotions for today. I reached into my backpack and took out a box of Xanax.

"Huh. This expired last week?" I contemplated. "I mean, what can go wrong? It's not a year, just a week." I took two pills and swallowed them dry. Crying gave enough saliva anyways.

I lingered at his lodge for some time. I looked at the pictures on his ceiling. There was one... it was just the two of us. We were a bit younger. I was on his back and he was carrying me. He was rolling his eyes while I hid my face in his neck.

I remember I sprained my ankle when the class went for a field trip into the hills. I slipped on a rock and fell over. Damn, I was rolling down but the boys caught me. Craig instantly picked me up - without my permission and/or knowledge - but I didn't protest. Now that I look closer... there's a really small and almost unnoticable smile on his face.

"Heh." I felt tears collect in my eyes but I quickly wiped them. He was always cold and scary but he cared for me... I didn't notice. It's like he had a soft spot for me.

Emphasis on 'had'.

Sigh.

I should leave.