T. R. F. A. P. A. T. H. W. T. G.

Chapter 24: The Compromise of Produce

Cabs and Richard sat in opposite cells. Upon his "confession", the police were kind enough to provide the two with straitjackets and bound them in chains. Surely, it couldn't be any worse.

Cabs: "I'm guessing the death penalty is bad."

Richard: "Why do you always do this to us, Cabs?"

Cabs: "I'll get us out of this Richard. Don't worry."

Richard: "I'm not really worried about that. I'm just not very proud of how many people we'd have to hurt when escaping."

Cabs: "True. I mean, we could ju-"

There was a loud rumble. Booming footsteps loomed outside their cells. It seems even a narrator can be wrong. Richard looked outside his window.

Cabs: "What was that?"

Richard: "I'm not sure. It's some sort of red monster."

A frantic police officer ran into the cellblock.

Cabs: "Hey, sir! Let us out!"

Officer: "Fat chance!"

Richard: "Listen, kid. We're not even supposed to be here."

Officer: "Well, you're behind those bars and I'm not!"

Cabs: "Sir, calm down and listen. We're in the only ones in the vicinity that could stop whatever's out there because I can see by the look on your face that you're all outmatched. Now, will you let us go, kind sir?"

Officer: "No."

Cabs: "Huh, I really thought that'd work."

  Richard: "Well, you tried."  

To Richard's surprise, Cabs burst out of his restraints and ripped apart his cell's bars. The officer was frozen in shock as the same was done to Richard's cell.

Richard: "Oh yeah, we can do that."

The two nonchalantly walked out of the police station to face the monster. Crushed cars and crumbling asphalt were left in its wake. The nearby office buildings had faces completely removed and bricks littered the ground. The two spotted the monster.

Richard: "What the fuck?"

A colossal tomato with long, well-muscled legs roamed the city, causing mass destruction and mayhem with every footstep.

Tomato Boy: "I am Tomato Boy, destroyer of contemporary middle-class families and nemesis of affordable housing. Tax laws are economically unrealistic."

Cabs began to have a sneezing fit.

Richard: "What's the matter with you?"

Cabs: "I think I'm allergic to that thing."

Richard: "Look, maybe we shouldn't fight this thing. It's bigger than most of the buildings here. Besides, it just set up the perfect distraction for our escape."

Cabs: "No. I may not know what tax laws or affordable housing are, but that thing could kill everyone. I don't care how sexy his legs are."

Richard: "Then what's your game plan, chief ?"

Cabs: "Well, in the past few minutes, I was going to come up with an extremely convoluted plan that would possibly result in thousands of deaths, including ourselves, but I think I'll just toss you like a spear."

Richard: "Cool."

Richard turned into steel and let Cabs throw him at the giant, bipedal vegetable. To everyone's apparent surprise, Tomato Boy performed a spinning hook kick, destroying every building in a 30 feet radius and rebounding Richard into the pavement.

Tomato Boy: "I have sufficient amounts of Vitamin C and biotin."

Cabs: "Uh oh."

The giant, bipedal vegetable stood over Cabs with a raised foot.

Tomato Boy: "Give thanks in all circumstances."

As it fell, Cabs released a loud, hearty sneeze and with that, electricity was discharged. The field was so powerful, the nearby buildings were sprayed with tomato juice. The monster was no more. Richard crawled out of the crater he was left in.

Richard: "You really need to work on your spear-throwing."