T. R. F. A. P. A. T. H. W. T. G.

Mythos 1: The Horrible Night in the Intergalactic Strip Club

**The Mythos are the adventures of Richard and Cabs through the multiverse. These stories lack any form of chronological order, but are still canonical.**

It was a dimly lit lounge with a packed bar. Several exotic, non-human dancers worked the tables. Alien currency covered these tables as lustful male, female, and genderless entities watched on. Cabs and Richard sat on the sofas facing the main stage.

Cabs: "Richard, can we leave? They don't even serve mead here."

Richard: "Shhh. I want to see how this plays out."

An LED sign hanging above the stage read, "Next: Libidious Lumphoid." The curtain opened. A bald, voluptuous woman with ocean blue skin stepped on. She hung upside down from the pole, performing different twists and turns. 

Cabs: "Well, this isn't so bad."

Richard: "Drop some credits, Cabs. Come on."

Cabs: "No, I've seen enough."

Richard: "Don't be a wuss. Why're you being such  a prude, you furry?"

Cabs: "I'm not being a 'prude'."

Cabs threw alien currency at the dancer. Smirking at the bear, she slowly removed her top and continued along the stage. Cabs, at this new sight, turned away and vomited.

Richard: "Jesus, you really are a wuss."

Cabs: "Why does she have 17 breasts?!"

Richard: "Calm down; she's a Lumphoid.  The women normally have up to 48 breasts and the men have at least 5. She must be young."

Audience Member: "Get this filth off the stage!"

Cabs: "That's racist!"

The curtain closed with the 17-breasted woman's back turned to her audience.

The LED sign now read, "Next: Mesozoic Mash." The curtain opened. A pygmy brontosaurus was on the stage, feeding on vegetation that had suddenly appeared on the ground.

Cabs: "Hey, that's kind of cute."

As he went to pet the small dinosaur, a security guard shot him with a taser. He was unconscious. How does the bearlike god of lightning get knocked unconscious by a taser? Don't ask me; I'm just a narrator.

Guard: "No touching the dancers."

Richard: "Wuss."

Richard turned back to the stage, simply watching the brontosaurus feed. Seemingly out of nowhere, a Tyrannosaurus Rex emerged from backstage and messily devoured the brontosaurus. Blood dirtied the runway. It roared loudly after the act the audience threw in several credits.  Its short insignificant arms did a small dance. The curtain closed as Cabs slowly got back into his seat.

Cabs: "Okay, what'd I miss?"

Richard: "Oh, not much."

The LED sign read, "Next: Betty." The curtain opened. A single, medium-sized green exercise ball continuously bounced in place. The audience, including Cabs, threw tonnes of alien currency onto the stage. The lounge was filled with sexually aggressive whistling and lustful namecalling. 

Cabs: "Now, I can get into this."

Richard: "I mean, I guess, it's pretty impressive."

The ball suddenly stopped, standing completely still on the stage. The curtain closed.

The LED sign read, "Next: Distraught and Tortured Soul." A young, human woman covered in mucus appeared on the stage. She was naked and shivering. After vomiting, an octopus crawled out of her mouth and onto Richard; it attached itself to his person violently. 

Young Woman: "Please, help me..."

Audience Member: "Boo! Get off the stage!"

The rest of the audience threw their drinks at the woman. A behemoth in the background threw a table at her, knocking her to the ground unconscious. The curtain closed.

The LED sign read, "Next: It's a Trap."

Cabs: "What's a trap?"

A young girl with feline ears and a tail went on the main stage, performing a routine of cartwheels and twirls. For no apparent reason, the girl would stop to cross her eyes and stick out her tongue in a lewd fashion. Thinking the girl was actually impoverished, Cabs threw the rest of his credits at her feet. She smirked at him and backflipped off the stage. The little girl took Cabs by the hand and led him to a private lounge; Cabs helplessly followed her.

Richard: "Damn, my man's getting puss."

Stranger: "You better watch out for your buddy."

Richard: "What do you mean?"

Stranger: "Earth comes up with really fucked up shit. You'll see in a minute."

As the mysterious being walked away, Cabs walked back to the sofa and curled up on the cushion. He sobbed relentlessly next to Richard.

Richard: "What happened?"

Cabs: "That girl had a penis...Why would a little girl have a dick? Who in their right mind would create such a monstrosity!"

Richard helped his friend sit upright and wiped his furred cheeks clean. 

Richard: "Go outside, Cabs. I'm going to 'use the bathroom' and we'll leave together."

Cabs nodded and walked out of the lounge, sniffling a bit. Richard snuck into the lounge's basement, turning his hands to steel. He noticed a large tank with a number of brightly colored warning symbols.

Richard: "This looks important."

Richard shoved his hand through the tank and sent heat into his metal extremity, causing an explosion. The lounge was annihilated as a plume of smoke and ash took its place. Local firefighters came to extinguish the blazing strip club.  Richard casually walked out of the rubble to Cabs and rubbed his back gently.

Richard: "You feel better?"

Cabs: "A little."

Richard: "Good. Now, take me to a doctor. I can't get this octopus off." 

**The Mythos are the adventures of Richard and Cabs through the different the multiverse. These stories lack any form of chronological order, but are still canonical.**