Stuck (Frerard)

Sleepy Thoughts- Chapter 29

|Sadness.|

Gerard's P.O.V.

"It's ok Gee," Frank whispers as his face is pressed into my arm. His words are like a soft blanket over my sad, pathetic little self. 

"Do you wanna lay down?" he mutters the question. I nod and I crawl on the bed over to the left side and lay on my side. I shut my eyes and let more tears fall. I'm an emotional mess. I got Frank kicked out of his house. At least I'm assuming that's what happened, because he had a bag filled with clothes. He probably packed before his dad could yell at him. Maybe he'll get to live with me? It really sounds like a dream. I would love to have someone. Someone to watch movies with, someone to cook with, someone to talk to. Frank is just the right person for all of that.

I hear Frank scoot on the mattress close to me. I feel his warm hand run from my shoulder to my elbow, giving me chills. I flop to turn my body towards him, and with my eyes still shut, I find his waist and pull him close with one arm. Why is he so nice even after I get him kicked out of his own home, which I know is my fault despite what Frank says. He presses the back of my head closer to his chest. I sniffle and he shushes me calmly, like a baby. We didn't even take our shoes off. I guess it doesn't matter. I could fall asleep right now. It's not like we had any other plans anyway. Napping is great and Frank is so warm. I take a deep breathe to calm my rushing mind and allow myself to focus on Frank's breathing until I drift into a slumber.

***

Frank's P.O.V.

I press the back of Gerard's head closer into my chest as they sniffle. I don't want Gerard to feel like this is their fault. It isn't their fault at all. I'm the only one to blame. If I weren't so distracted by Gerard at the time, I would have made them move into my bedroom to sleep so they wouldn't be seen.

I feel better having Gerard with me. I wish they didn't feel so guilty, but at the same time I'm happy that they are the one taking the blame so I don't have to. I'm an asshole, I know. 

I let my fingers brush their soft and knotted hair. They're probably asleep. They deserve to be asleep. Gerard shouldn't have to be awake and stressed. I close my eyes as I kiss the top of their head. I wish I could fall asleep. I know I'm going to stay awake stressing about everything. I really hope its okay with Gerard that I'm crashing with them. I have seriously no where else to go. I have no friends at school, the neighbors and I don't interact, and I have no other family members in the area. 

I look at Gerard's head and shoulders as they peacefully sleep. I don't know why, but I feel so much more comfortable being so close and touchy with Gerard when they are broken down like this. They are just so much less intimidating and easier for my anxiety to handle when I know they aren't going to laugh at me or not want to be around me. I in no way want to be in a relationship where Gerard puts themself down so I feel bigger, but I just can't help but feel good. It's a good feeling being able to be the protective boyfriend. I press the tip of my nose softly against their messy hair and breathe in their scent. I find it calming. It's a form of aromatherapy to me. I wonder what will happen if Gerard leaves...

No. I can't think about this. I have millions of 'what ifs' bubbling in my head right now, but I won't let any of them stress take over. I begin rubbing Gerard's back, feeling the threads tingle on my palm and fingertips. Gerard is the best distraction. They're better than any amount of alcohol, any drug, and any blade. They give me what I can only describe as a light. A light to cast out any shadows forming in my dark head. They make me feel less alone. I thought I had it bad until I met Gerard. I'm planning on making them better. I want to make them smile. I want to hear their laughter everyday. I only want them to be happy. It's weird to think that I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't get beat up by the dumpster. I have the bullies to thank for my beautiful goyfriend.