The Marrying of ZIM

27. Gravity.

Did all roads lead to sadness? It sure felt that way to me. Our flights were cancelled, we didn't go to the hotel to get the long awaited wedding consummation. Kwashie thought it was best we waited until the wedding night to have sex again and that last sex was Valentine's sex.

I knew for a fact that all roads lead back to my depression crevice because here I was lying in the middle of my bed with pillows cradling my side like a protective barrier. This time there was no litter around and Jack Daniels didn't hide under my bed. This time I just starved myself and stared up at the smooth ceiling listening to the hands of the clock tick away while I waited on the other song to start playing. This wasn't a depression depression playlist but it only had soft songs because that's all I wanted to hear right now. One thing remained though, the chilling below zero temperature of my room. I had turned it up after Kwashie and I made amends but after my failed wedding I dropped it back to zero.

Gravity is working against me.
And gravity, wants to bring me down.

"Oh, I'll never know what makes this man with all the love that his heart can stand dream of ways to throw it all away." I caught onto the song and started signing.

"More like all the pain his heart can stand." I sighed to myself.

Life shouldn't be this hard, it made me realize that even though I now had comfort, life still wasn't a bed of roses. I heard my belly growl and I groaned to myself.

"Work with me here, man." I patted my stomach.

I didn't exactly know why I was starving myself. I didn't exactly know why I haven't moved on like Kwashie had, she cried the first few nights but after awhile she stopped coming over and she was out buzzing like a busy bee. Mama Ekuban has been here to pray for me, she brought me teas to drink to "wash me out." We still didn't have an answer as to what that girl did to me. Kwashie got a restraining order against her and I've been to the doctor for random tests.

"It was an uncommon case of hot flash paired with wedding jitters, she'll be fine." The Doctor had said.

I didn't feel fine though, other than the ache of starvation I felt as if nothing was the same anymore. I decided to call Kwashie, I didn't feel like being alone anymore.

"My love.." She answered the phone.

"You don't treat me as if I was your love though," I said.

"Zidania, can you please stop." She sighed. I've been picking fights with her, I just needed to know if she still cared enough to at least argue with me.

"It's the truth." I followed up my argument.

"Why do you say that?" She asked.

"You don't spend time with me anymore, it's like you're trying to forget about everything that happened."

"I do spend time with you, I'm just busy helping my father."

"Sure, that's what you said the last time and it ended up being that you have a stalker and that ended up with my wedding day being crashed and I have some unknown black magic curse." I finally took a breath after I let everything out.

"Have you eaten all day?" She asked.

"Doesn't matter."