The Marrying of ZIM

6. Tension.

A month has passed since I found out about the contract. Kwashie and I texted everyday and we met up for lunch some days. He invited me to stay over for the weekend and I was debating if I should or shouldn't. I haven't spoken to CJ and I was trying my best to forget her, I wanted to tell her everything. I got my courage up after two joints and decided to call her.

"Why are you calling my phone?" She asked. She picked up on the first ring which I was grateful for.

"I miss you," I said.

"No. You don't."

"I do and I want to see you. Please let me see you." I begged.

"Then why'd you tell me to move on when I saw you in the parking lot of the ice cream parlor?" She asked.

"Oh. You searched it up?" I had whispered move on in French that day before walking off.

"Yes, I did." She sighed.

"I don't think we can be together because you don't deserve to be on the sideline."

"You're right. I don't deserve to be half loved," she was getting angry and I could hear it in her voice.

"Let me see you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I've stopped crying, if I should see you now the tears will come right back. You return like August and I fall every time." her voice was breaking.

If it was one thing I loved about her it was her poetic side. She always wrote poems confessing her love and adoration for me and I'm  guessing they're all sad and speaking of her broken heart now.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I said getting emotional.

"I know but it happened and I'm trying my best to move on. To move on from you, you've made your choice." I could hear her sniffling.

"Thanks for answering. I really missed your voice, I also miss your face and I miss how you felt in my arms. It's where you belong but I don't want to be selfish so I'll leave you alone. I hope you do recover and I also hope you never forget the love we shared."

"I love you," I said when she didn't answer.

"And I love you Zim but I can't be in love with you anymore." She was crying now and it brought down my own tears.

"I understand.." I forcefully wiped the tears from my face.

"Goodbye." She said.

She disconnected the call when I didn't respond. I just didn't know what to say, I didn't want to tell her goodbye. I didn't want her to leave my life. We always said talk to you later or see you later because she thought goodbye was too final and I think I finally understood what she meant. I got up from my bed and went to my closet for my duffle bag, I started packing things for the weekend. I packed an outfit in case we were to go out for dinner and I packed swim trunks as well since I hated the two piece swim sets that my mother bought for me. I always slightly overpacked because it's better to have it than to want it. I packed up my travel toothbrush and face scrubs that I'd need, deodorant and cologne. I went to bathe and got dressed in light blue skinny jeans and a white cotton button down. I added my large dark green and blue plaid flannel to the outfit, folding the wrists and slid into my Doc Martens. I put in my diamond earrings, white G-Shock watch and my diamond necklace. I slid my money clip into my pocket and took my phone and the charger up slipping it into my duffle bag.

He already sent his address so all I needed to do was to put it in the GPS. I went downstairs to inform my mother of my current plans and that I'd be back on Monday. I had already called Richard first to let him know and he was okay with the plan, I sent him the address so he could at least know where I was. I hopped into my Jeep and started it up buzzing the gate so it would be open by time I got to the end of the driveway. I buzzed it again and drove off after it was fully closed. I first stopped at BK to get a strawberry milkshake then I went to Subway for a foot long and double chocolate chip cookies, yep fat fuck. Kwashie lived a great distance from me, I knew the area. It was another high class neighborhood on the other side of town. I plugged my phone up to the aux cord and shuffled my music.