Mid Summer

forty four,

"Renjun don't!"

Emotions, were really complex. To understand them, to understand someone's emotions, it took a lot out of a person. The human mind and the human heart, they were connected, but at the same time they were two completely different things. A common factor was that they both controlled actions, impulsive or not.

Your own emotions were already a mystery to solve, your own emotions were a puzzle, almost impossible to decipher, to understand completely. Let alone someone else's.

But emotions and feelings were so heavy. They weighed people down, influenced people to no end and dictated a lot for a single person.

Sometimes, emotions and feelings were controlling. Blinding even, completely depriving you of your sense of rationality.

"Renjun stop!"

And it were those moments when you wished you understood perfectly, inside out, someone else's emotions and feelings. Or even your own, to understand where the other person was coming from.

Donghyuck doesn't understand Renjun's emotions.

"Injun please," he calls again, wrapping his arms around the elder from the back, slowing him down. "Don't."

And it because it comes from Donghyuck, sweet, sweet Donghyuck, that Renjun takes a few breathes in and out, tension leaving his body as he melts into Donghyuck's arms.

If only I could get used to this.

"Why aren't you mad at him? Do you see that Donghyuck?"

"Injun, please calm down," Donghyuck begs, tightening his arms around the others waist. His nose was pressed against the back of Renjun's head, because if Renjun was short, Donghyuck was short too. "Don't do anything."

"Explain," Renjun says lowly, unlatching Donghyuck's arms from himself, turning around and looking at the younger expectantly.

"Hyung..." Donghyuck starts, throat parching because he doesn't even know how to tell Renjun. No one has ever asked either him or Jaemin, Jeno or Mark about their relationship. They never talked about what to tell someone if they asked. But here Donghyuck is, at a loss for words because he doesn't know how Renjun will take the information. The truth.

Four people?

"I'm not mad," Donghyuck repeats, reassures in a way, hopes it's enough for Renjun to lay off his case. But he should know better, this was Injun he was dealing with.

"But you have reason to be!" Renjun exclaims, making Donghyuck flinch. In an instant, regret settles onto the elder's face making him sigh before apologizing. "No, Hyuck, I'm sorry. I'm just— Confused. I'm so confused."

Donghyuck bites his bottom lip, telling himself to calm down internally before looking Renjun right in the eyes. It was just Injun he was talking to. Injun wouldn't judge him, wouldn't hate him, would he?

"I'm not mad because they're mine."

Renjun only looks more confused, if that's even possible. But he should've known, with what stupid answer he gave.

"They're all my boyfriends. Each other's."

Realization hits Renjun then. Hits him hard.

"Each other's..." He repeats, taking a step back in order to process what Donghyuck just said.

But the younger seems to take it the wrong way.

"Please don't be weirded out," he begs, taking a step forward. "Renjun, you can't do that. I need you, you're my best friend."

Ouch.

"I'm not mad," Renjun says, using a softer tone. "I promise. You're my best friend too Duckie."

Donghyuck feels relief wash over him, and before he knows it he's hugging Renjun with a vice like grip. If Renjun can call him 'Duckie', Donghyuck can breathe.

"Thank you Injun." The younger breathes out, shoving his face into Renjun's neck.

"Don't worry about it."

Not only do you belong to one person, but three.

And even after that, none of them are me.

——

"Is that Donghyuck and Renjun?"

"Are you surprised?" Jeno scoffs, turning his gaze away from the other two boys. "When isn't Donghyuck with Renjun nowadays."

Jaemin snorts, shoving Jeno with his shoulder. The elder one glares pathetically at Jaemin, who simply rolls his eyes and loops their arms together.

"Are you jealous, Lee Jeno?" The younger boy asks innocently, a playful (and annoying— but Jeno would never say that out loud) lilt in his voice.

If Jaemin notices how red the elder's ears get at his question, he thankfully doesn't mention anything. But then again, Jeno can't even count the amount of times Jaemin has embarrassed him about this on his ten fingers.

"Shut up. There's Mark hyung," Jeno settles on muttering, walking faster in order to escape Jaemin and latch onto Mark.

The eldest was more than welcoming to Jeno's body attaching itself to him, however he was confused when he saw that Jaemin was trailing behind Jeno, looking amused.

"You," Jaemin starts, pointing an accusatory finger at Mark while keeping his facial expression amused and happy. "Are you jealous too?"

The question catches Mark off guard, obviously. With no proper context, Mark stands there with a hand on Jeno's waist, eyes blinking owlishly as he racks his, blank, mind for any substance to Jaemin's question.

"What?" He settles on asking, tilting his head slightly to the right. He sees Jaemin roll his eyes and walk up to him and Jeno, watching as he brings a hand up and carasses Mark's cheek with one hand, patting down his hair with the other.

"How much sleep do you get, stupid? You can't even answer a simple question," he mumbles, and if Mark hadn't listened carefully, he would've missed the way Jaemin sounded concerned. "You're horrible." Mark knows Jaemin doesn't mean it.

"Renjun and Donghyuck," Jeno's sweet voice calls from Mark's left, finally supplying context to Jaemin's question. "Always together."

Mark hums at that, agreeing. Donghyuck and Renjun were indeed always together, practically glued at the hip. But Mark didn't really find it in himself to complain, especially when his mind was focused on some other things going on, like how much he hated his chemistry professor, or how he'd stick it to his economy professor in another life.

"Donghyuck's alright," Mark settles on saying, eyebrows furrowing and meeting in the middle as he says his next few words. "But Renjun has no clue about what's going on. He's not doing anything on purpose."

It wasn't that Mark was always in agreement to Renjun, or always pliant and flexible to whatever Renjun did it suggested, but he can't despise the other boy. He can't hate him and he can't help but think about the optimistic side first, every single time. Mark was a bit too grateful for Renjun to throw harsh words and presumptions at him.

"Do you think Donghyuck told him?" Jaemin asks quietly, rubbing a thumb over Mark's cheek. "Is Renjun okay with it?" He adds in a whisper.

Jaemin doesn't get an answer, but he does feel a hand on his waist, rubbing comfortingly and lips on his cheek, along with a hushed whisper, telling him not to worry.

And maybe that's what they all needed to do. Not worry for a while.

Because if Donghyuck told Renjun the truth, he had it all under control, right?

__________

i need a empathy album