Mid Summer

fifty six,

"Wow. I'm so intimidated."

Jaemin feels uncomfortable, and Donghyuck just feels bad. Jeno feels guilty, and Mark is anxious.

Yeah. Not the best combination to be tackling a heartbroken boy.

"Um," Jaemin starts, clearing his throat. But he backtracks almost instantly, hiding behind Jeno because he doesn't know where to go from there.

"Renjun," Mark continues, sending the younger a small smile. "Let's talk?"

——

Jittery.

That would be the best word to describe how Renjun was feeling at the moment.

Because he felt singled out. With Jeno, Jaemin, Donghyuck and Mark? He doesn't fit in. And he isn't meant to fit in. But that didn't mean he liked it when it was rubbed into his face. Much like it was being right now, either intentionally or unintentionally.

"This is ridiculous," Renjun mutters, bouncing his leg up and down under the table. They were seated at a round table, and he was between Jeno and Jaemin. "Can I leave?"

"No." Mark immediately says, backtracking once he realizes how odd that must've sounded. "No... We haven't cleared anything up yet."

Sighing, Renjun slumps back into his seat, eyes roaming everywhere except the four boys he was with.

"There's nothing to talk about." Renjun mumbles, stirring the jasmine tea Jeno had paid for.

"Yes there is."

Everyone turns to Donghyuck when he says that, all soft voices and timid looks. He's visibly nervous to talk, if him picking at the hem of his sweater is anything to go by. Cautiously, he makes eye contact with Renjun, gulping before continuing to speak.

"Your tattoo."

Okay, now Renjun is scared. Because the only people who know about Donghyuck being Renjun's tattoo are Yukhei and Donghyuck himself. Jeno, Jaemin and Mark? They have no clue, but now it's out in the open and Renjun is irrationally terrified for the aforementioned three's reactions.

And he hates what he sees when he meets their gazes. Not a single one of them look mad, look angry, look enraged. All three of them, Jeno, Jaemin and Mark all look at him with pity and sympathy in their eyes. He felt as if it was mocking, like they were saying that yeah, it sucks that you can't have him, because we have him. And Renjun knows that none of them are genuinely like that, would never intentionally think that, but it's mocking and it hurts and he doesn't want to be around all four of them at once.

"It doesn't matter," Renjun reasons, taking a sip of his tea. He's been saying that a lot lately, he finds. "I can't do anything about it anyways, can I?" It comes out way more bitter than he intended, but he couldn't really take it back now.

"Renjun," Donghyuck calls, once again, insanely soft. "What can I do? How can I help you move on?"

And Renjun hates those questions. How did Donghyuck expect him to answer that? Why did Donghyuck even want to hear when he asked those questions? Under the table, Renjun's hands clench into a fist, a habit he has in order to regulate his emotions.

"Don't worry about it," Renjun seethes, and all four boys at the table understand that Renjun is angry. It's not always he lets his true emotions come through, but the four boys guess that they really did push it this time. Well, Mark and Donghyuck. Jeno and Jaemin hadn't spoken a word yet. "I'm fine."

And Donghyuck hates hearing those words come out of Renjun's mouth, but he really doesn't hate them as much as Jaemin does.

Under the table, Jaemin kicks Renjun's foot gently, locking their ankles together.

Once again, Renjun's fists clench under the table. When they were both still in high school, Jaemin and always had a habit of locking their ankles together, wherever they were. Sitting in a restaurant? They were locked. Cuddling in bed? They were locked. Riding the bus? They were locked. Studying in the library? Locked. When Renjun has asked Jaemin why he does that, the younger gave the answer that it meant that one of them were going through a hard time, and that they could talk to each other about anything, if they needed. Jaemin has always taken up the offer, but Renjun has yet to do so. Perhaps he might have a good enough reason to now.

"Don't worry about it guys," Renjun says through his gritted teeth, locking his ankle around Jaemin's tighter. "I'll manage."

"But Renjun," this time Jeno speaks up, time bordering on pleading while his eyes were already there. "We're all friends Renjun, we want to help you."

Renjun squints his eyes at Jeno, the glare he gives Jeno blatantly obvious.

"Last time I checked," he starts. "We weren't friends, Jeno."

The words sting a bit more than they should, because Jeno knows he's been an ass to Renjun. But the elder's words simply remind him of why he felt so terrible a few days ago, and before he can bite his tongue back, he's speaking his mind to Renjun.

"I'm sorry, Renjun. I've been nothing but a dick to you and I regret it," Jeno explains, twiddling with his thumbs guiltily. "But I'm your friend. If you want me to be." He adds.

Breathing out through his nose, Renjun lays both his palms down on the table and pushes himself up. His chair screeches again try floor tile, his ankle unlocks itself from Jaemin's, and in any other circumstance, he would've hated it. But he's emotional now and just wants the get away from the four boys. Honestly speaking, he's always emotional whenever he's around them. But it's somewhat comforting to know that all of them think of him as a friend. It's somewhat comforting to know that he hasn't lost any of them. Because as much as he loves Donghyuck, loathed Jeno, envies Mark and adores Jaemin, they're all amazing people and friends. Not that they'd ever get to explicitly hear that from him, but that was besides the point.

"Ren?"

That's another voice, which doesn't belong to any of the four boys sitting down. It's still familiar though, and Renjun already knows who it is without having to turn around.

"I was just leaving," Renjun mutters, picking up his backpack and slinging it on. He makes eye contact with the boys sitting down before bitting the inside of his cheek to keep from saying something he'd regret. "I don't want to talk about this again." Is all he settles on saying to the four boys. He then turns to look at Yukhei, flashing him a smile, but it comes out more as a grimace. "Are you coming Xuxi?"

And Yukhei knows it's not a real question, because he can hear the desperateness in Renjun's voice. His cry for a friend— for someone to be with him when he crumbles.

And Yukhei, as dumb and in love as always, is always there to pick the pieces up.

"Yeah. Let's go Renjun."