I'm Sure You've Heard It All Before

everyone's a little gay

Here's a question I get asked often. "Robin, are you gay?"

Understandable. I don't do any sports. I'm lanky and not buff at all, which is a stupid reason to think I'm gay. But I do wear black nail polish sometimes. Something straight guys don't really do. But it should be normalized more in my opinion.

So, am I gay?

The answer is yes. I know I like guys. I've known for like years. But really, it wasn't like a huge emotional mess. Look, I live in the city part of Chicago and there's a lot of people. Which means lots of guys. I do lots of people watching and well, during summer, Chicago guys wear the loosest clothing they have and the sun beams down on their faces and they look glowy and...yeah. I'm super gay.

Guys are hot, okay?

And this Franco guy. Well. He's hot but it's not like in a sexual way. I know it sounds stupid but he's hot in a you-would-be-a-great-boyfriend way. His freckles, man. And his pretty hair and glasses. Also, he has super manly hands. They look really soft. I really hope we see each other soon because he's a really great person to be around.

I'm in the library first period for library aid. It is true when they say it's basically a free period but unlike the other helpers, I don't use it to sleep. I actually like looking through all the books and reading the ones that look interesting in a corner.

I'm in that corner right now sitting in front of the table taking my essay out my bag. I'm not always by myself though. My friend Aleeah joins me. She's sleeping right now, I'd probably join her if I wasn't so awake and giddy about Franco.

We share the same couch and yeah, we cuddle sometimes but like it's totally platonic. She knows it & I know it. Besides, she has a girlfriend. She's bisexual. She came out to my freshman year while I came out to her in middle school.

Also, Aleeah is not sleeping. She's walking over right now rubbing her eyes. Smudging her eyeliner in the process.

"Dude, that couch is magical. I slept like a baby." She looks at the clock. "And for a good hour and 15 minutes!"

She looks at my essay that I've been rereading over for the past half an hour.

"Yo, it's the essay you made me read 50 times! You excited to read it out loud to the class?"

She sits down in the chair and pulls out a honey bun and opens the package.

"Yep. Totally. I'm pretty proud of it honestly." I'm smiling to myself I realize. Of course, Aleeah knows something is up. She always does. Good or bad. I can say Aleeah is always the one person there for me constantly. She's actually my best friend. She said so last year when I was feeling shitty about myself and she told me that she cared about me more than anything in the world. We cried together for a straight hour.

Mid chew, with the honey bun in her mouth, she points at me and says "Robin. Babe. What is up? You're all... tingly. I see it. You're happy about something!"

I'm smiling I realize. Franco really fucked me up.

"So I met this guy," this is all it takes for Aleeah to go into... well... Aleeah-mode.

"Oh my god! Wait, when, where, and is he cute?"

She's ready to burst. I don't really get crushes that often.

"We met on the subway," I rest my face on my hands, "He loved Queen, he's so sweet, and yes, super cute, brown and wavy hair. Glasses. Freckles, dude."

"Oh my god! Did you get his number or anything? Please say you did!"

I nod.

"Fuck yes!"

Someone shushes Aleeah and she shushes them back.

"I can't believe I've never seen him before. Like not even in the hallways or anything. Though it's understandable since I-"

Aleeah stands up abruptly.

"Wait hold the fuck up. He goes to our school?" Honeybun in her mouth.

"Yeah," I say.

"What the fuck, man! Let's go find him!"

She grabs her bag and gestures for me to get my bag.

Um.

"Dude, we're not gonna 'find him'. We're gonna look borderline creepy."

Aleeah stares at me. Her eyeliner was super smudged after rubbing her eyes but I think it looks pretty good. The black eye makeup makes her curly blonde hair look more vibrant.

"Dude, we're just gonna wait in the...wait did he say what grade he was in? 'Cause if he's a freshman then we're gonna have to drop this whole thing."

"Not a freshman. I'm not that weird. He's a sophomore."

Aleeah thinks for a second then nods.

"Eh, that's not bad," she kicks the air lightly and continuously, "let's go wait in the sophomore hall. The bell is going to ring in like 15 minutes and then we'll see him walking!" She's way too excited.

"Aleeah, wait. First of all, that's creepy. I'm not doing that. Second of all, we're getting way too excited about a guy who we don't even know is queer!"

"God, Robin. Okay look you don't have to wait in the hallway with me. I'll do it. I at least want to get a look at the guy!" She grabs her bag while I'm still plopped on my chair with my arms crossed.

"'Kay. Later."

She sighs and hugs me really hard.
"You okay, today?"

Her hand is on the nape of my neck. She's been asking me this a lot lately.

"Yeah. This morning was shitty. Like, I don't know. I guess the weather bummed me the hell out." I start scratching the back of my hand.

"Okay. I love you, Rob."

She kisses me on my forehead. We've always been affectionate.

"Love you too." I look at her and smile.

She starts walking.

"Oh, and by the way, everyone is a little gay, honey." She was still walking and basically shouts this but no one is around.

Gotta love my Aleeah.