I'm Sure You've Heard It All Before

cute guys in a bookstore

"Come look at this!"

Franco grabs my arm while I was looking at the postcards near the front of the store.

He takes me to the back of the bookstore. It's pretty empty. There's a mom with her son but that's pretty much it.

"Are you gonna kill me or something?" I say to him laughing slightly.

"What? No, shut up," Franco laughs at what I said, "Look at this."

He shows me door behind a bookshelf.

"I think you are. The fuck is this?"

"Chill. This is open to everyone that comes here. See the sign?"

He points at the sign that I stupidly missed.

It reads "Reading Center. Please Come In!"

It's not even sketchy looking. The door literally has a window that's like 3 feet tall. I'm just really annoying and say dumb shit.

He opens the door for me and I step in.

And wow.

Wow.

It's a room the size of my bedroom and the floors are a really pretty and vintage wood design. There are tables to match the floor and there are beanbags on the ground that are fucking huge. A chandelier hangs in the middle of the ceiling. There's a window where you can see the buildings next door.

This is the most beautiful room ever and he brought me here.

I could hug him. This is awesome.

He pats me on my back.

"What do you think, Rob?"

"Franco, this is amazing. How have I not known about this place? I mean... holy shit."

He laughs. "You're welcome! Want to sit?"

I sit on the magenta beanbag that I literally sink into. I almost fall over but Franco grabs my arm.

"Thanks." I laugh slightly. I'm so embarrassed that I don't realize he's looking at me with this look in his eyes that I can't, for the life of me, figure out what it means. And he's still holding onto my arm.

I clear my throat and that's when he lets go.

"Sorry about that." He says to me.

"It's okay."

He's staring straight ahead at the paintings on the wall.

"Hey so how are you doing on the new CW project?" He turns to me asks.

I adjust myself on the beanbag. "Oh, the new one? I haven't started it yet but I probably will soon since It looks kind of fun."

He sorta stifles a laugh. Which makes me feel embarrassed.

"Um. What's so funny?" I try to crack a smile.

It's not working.

"Nothing! I just... love how much you love writing. Like, it's honestly so admirable. Most people just write for school but I love how you write because you love it. You don't think of them as assignments. It's pretty awesome."

The number of times he said "love" in that sentence kind of made my heartbeat questionably fast. But he probably just thinks I'm a nerd who has no life and writes because I'm a loser.

He'll never like me back.

"I'm just weird."

He hits me lightly on the arm.

"No, you're not! Why do you say that?"

How do I tell him that my parents are never around and I have no siblings to grow up or bond with and when my parents are home, they just make sure that I'm not the son they wanted. I'm a mistake. I know that. They don't say it, but I do.

This is something that I overheard my dad say to his friends at a dinner party: "I don't know, I guess I was expecting a lot more from Robin his freshman year. He doesn't have any friends and frankly, I'm worried about him."

When I heard that I immediately went into my room and cried. Not because I was sad that my dad said that about me but the fact that he's right.

It made feel uncomfortable with myself. I hated myself so much because not even my dad wants me around.

It hurt a lot.

Since then, I've tried not to get attached to anyone, especially my parents.

I think Franco saw my face and got a clue not to pry.

Franco gets up from his chair and extends his hand.

"Come on. We're leaving."

"What? We've only been here for like five minutes." I grab his hand and get up.

"I know but it's almost dinner time and my parents probably want me home. But I want to walk you to your house before we part ways."

"Um, alright. Let's go then."

I didn't want to leave yet. This place is so comfy and honestly, I like being alone with him. Just the two of us. Aleeah is amazing and I love her so, so much but with Franco? It's like, he doesn't even see me as a guy who secretly hates himself. He sees me as... normal and fun, maybe?

I kind of need him right now.

I hate thinking about that moment with my dad because it hurts a lot. He made me feel fucked up.

I don't want to go home to my parents. But they're probably not even there but still, being alone with my thoughts is not good. One time it went to a really bad place.

I don't want to talk about that.

I only want to be with Franco.

We leave the store and start walking to the subway station.

So I ask him, "Hey do you want to have a sleepover tonight?"

He turns to me and smiles.

Oh, his smiles. God, he's so cute.

"Heck, yes."

He squeezes my hands which makes me feel not so shitty anymore.