Exodus

Feelings

When I get home the boys are still up. Ruby is hovering over scrim from behind the couch, he has a laptop in his lap.

"Hey"
I say dropping my bag by the front door, taking off my sweater throwing it on the couch. I hang up my keys and start to walk upstairs.

"Scott can I talk to you when you're done with whatever you're doing."
He sighs standing up walking to me.

I continue to walk up the stairs I go in my room grabbing a blunt. Then I walk onto the back patio with scrim fallowing close behind.

"You obviously don't watch my videos."
I say handing him the blunt, sitting on the swing.

"Rubes told me, sorry I flipped out like dat."
He says hitting the blunt.

"Ruby told you what?"
I ask confused even though I kind of know what.

"That you're fighting addiction too."
He passes me the blunt leaning against the rail.

"Well, I guess I'm kinda glad he told you so I didn't have to but like I don't know why he wouldn't let me tell you."
I say looking down taking a big hit.

"Nah I'm glad he told me cause I feel stupid."
He pulls a cigarette holding it between his fingers.

"Don't feel stupid, you didn't know"
I pass him the blunt.

"I feel stupid cause I just thought about myself in the situation."

"And I've been thinking only about myself for the past two years so, I guess we've got something in common."
I laugh and he chuckles a little.

"I think we have a lot mo' in common then that."
He says tilting his head up to the sky.

"You think so?"
I laugh taking the last hit of the blunt I flick the roach off the balcony.

"I know it's hard Cher, I feel whatcha goin thru. Just gotta trust the process yanno?"
He waves the cigarette around while he talks.

"Yeah, are you gonna light that so I can hit it?"
I say staring down the cig

He laughs putting it between his lips cupping his hand to block the wind.

"This?"
He holds up the cig smiling, I nod my head.

"Nah you can't hit this."
He says blowing smoke outta his mouth.

I look at him with a straight face

"Scott."
I say with an annoyed look.

"Aight, you can hit this, if, I can hit that."
He says pointing at me. I look at my hands confused, then I realize.

I smack my lips punching him in the leg.

"Aye chill."
He laughs out.

"You couldn't handle this."
I say rocking the swing back and forth.

"I think I handled it pretty well last night."
He smiles showing his pretty white teeth.

"I don't know."
I say sarcastically with a smile.

"That ain't funny."
His face goes straight.
We both laugh

"Why'd you have to hit me so hard give me a damn Charlie horse."
He rubs his leg as we both laugh.

Everything is quite for a second and all I can hear is the sound of the air and crickets. We pass the cigarette back and forth.

"I think Ruby has feelings for me."
I blurt out.

He sighs.

"I know."
I'm taken back I look up at him confused.

"You know?"
I drag out the W in know.

"Yeah I know."
He flicks the butt off the balcony.

"What?"
I say confused.

"Look, on his free time he checks up on you, when he's stressin' he calls you. I mean shit y'all can claim to best friends all you want but it's obvious y'all gotta soft spot for each other."
He puts his hands up on the rails so his elbows are facing out and he crossed one leg over the other.

"No, I don't see him that way. He is my best friend he was there when I was born. I mean shit we grew up together."
I stare at scrim.

He sarcastically laughs walking inside leaving me alone.

I couldn't have feelings for Ruby he's family, if I had feelings it would ruin the bond we've built over the years. Not only could I not have feelings for him, I didn't want to. I have too much shit in my life that I need to take care of.