Exodus

No More

          I eat my hospital food, well most of it, okay some of it. Then, I sit there listening to everyone talk and laugh. I'm not in the mood to laugh right now, Or talk really. I haven't looked at Ruby since our conversation but, I know he's staring at me, I can feel it.

"Can you guys get out for a sec?"
Ruby says more as a command rather a question but everyone looks at us and I just stare straight ahead.

"Aight, Let's go."
Scrim says as he walks out. Ruby comes towards me breathing angry. When everyone is out there's that moment of silence that's always there and I dread so much.

"I was mad Cher."
Those four words make my heart shatter and the tears splatter.

"I'm so sorry, and I know sorry don't mean shit. I am though, not because you got hit by a car but because you getting hit by a car made me realize. I almost lost you baby."
Now we're both sitting in this room crying.

"And I didn't wanna tell you like this, right now. I couldn't lie to you and I felt so guilty. Please don't hate me baby, I don't wanna lose you Cher. It was a mistake believe me."
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I just shake my head microscopically. He looks at me with bloodshot eyes.

"I love you Rubes, but I can't keep up with these circles. I'm so hurt, by everything. You just keep doing it, you never try to work it out. Your first instinct is to find another girl. I can't sit at home after every little fight and wait for you to come back from fucking other girls."
I try to keep the tears down as much as I can but it's hard.

"No, no, I promise it was so stupid of me to resort to that. I just thought about how you seen me leave with her and how you were still at that party probably fucking another dude. I got so, fucking angry."

His voice is making me sick to my stomach especially the words that come with that voice. I can't look at him but I know I can't leave him.

"Look at me."
He scoots closer but I don't look.

"Baby, please, just look at me. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Once again."
I spit out, looking at him with the eyes of disgust.

"Don't do that."
I tilt my head in confusion.

"Don't act like you're not sitting here with feelings for someone else. My fuckin brother for that."
I can't believe he's throwing this in my face right now.

"Get out."
I say calmly, not looking at him.

"Because you know we both fucked up."
He's kidding right? I didn't fuck someone while he was off getting hit by a car laying in the street dying.

"I fucked up?!"
I snap as I stand up.

"I wasn't off sticking my dick in someone the moment I got a little butt hurt over an argument. I didn't have a bitch sitting on my lap the second I left my girlfriends house. I don't run off with girls every fucking time we get into the littlest arguments."
I can feel my heart beat speed up by the second.

"I fucked up! Ok? I fucked up, and I know I did. I fucked up more than once. I don't know how to be in a relationship Cher. I-"

"Stop making excuses for being a shitty person."
The room goes quiet and I notice the tears that stream down His face.

"We ended things in that bedroom. I fucked someone else out of anger, and I know it was wrong. I won't say sorry again."
Now the tears stream down my face.

"Don't, because I don't give a fuck, about your worthless sorry's"
He stands, slowly making his way out of the room. He stops by the door not turning around.