First Love - Bigbang Daesung (Complete)

V - One Last Try

I am in a numb state now...

I cannot move literally...

Then, I realize that I need to follow her.

I hear the sound of the doorbell all of a sudden.
I quickly rise from my seat, thinking maybe Steph had returned back.

When I open the door, I see Top Hyung with a confusing look.

I feel dismayed.

"What happened huh? I saw Steph crying in the lift a while ago.."

"Where is she now?" - I asked him looking at the hallway.

"I dont know...maybe she left the hotel already.."

I walk back inside desperately, kneading my head and lay down in the couch.

Hyung enters the room and closes the door. He goes straight to the bar and gets a bottle of wine.

He pour it to the wine glass and give it to me.

A minute of complete silence filled within the four corners of the room.

"She got mad at me." I spoke worriedly.

"I have caused her so much pain, I saw it in her eyes. I dont know how will I mend it now?" - while gulping the wine.

"What happened actually?" - Top hyung asked.

" I only told that I will never let her out from my sight from now on..
She got angry after that..
then she told that I have said the same thing before..
Honestly hyung, I cannot remember if I already said it to her or not.."

"Try to remember it bro...
Have you promised anything to her before?
She will not cry for nothing..
She looks sad when I saw her... I feel pity for her daesung.."

I swallow hard.

-----

3:30 am

McCarren Hotel

I cannot sleep..

I try all the sleeping positions I know but my eyes are still open...
and its swollen from my 2 hours of relentless crying...

A throb of loneliness and neglection.

-Its good that Lars is already sleeping when I came back to our hotel earlier-

How dare he forgets the last phone conversation we had in 2008?

How dare he simply says that I am his?

He doesnt know all the struggles I endured. The sadness I felt almost everyday, living away from my family and not seeing him.

A wistful longing of him during my hardest times.

How much more now that he is a very famous person,
a well known celebrity across the world...
How can he give his time and attention to me?

I sneer.

-----

I told to myself 6 years ago that I will forget him and move on.
I remembered telling Lars and Nix that I am ready to entertain suitors.

But Im still single now..

Still not yet ready to give my heart to someone else because I am not totally over him...

And I still love him.

Despite all the pains..

And Im allowing myself to be hurt again because of him..