roommate // norenmin

열한

hello everyone, sorry for never updating, im such a horrible person, im really trying, i have been going through so much shit right now and im sorry if this chapter is really sad, im just trying to let my feelings out. hope you like it. kind of edited lol.

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renjun's pov

everything felt fine. no one was fighting, no one was crying, and most important i felt happy. could this be real? it's been forever since i felt happiness inside of me, it felt sort of different i guess you could say, im so use to sadness and crying every night, i don't know if i should be happy about this or not.

haechan and mark were back to normal, after talking to haechan the other night him and mark talked it out and now are back to being inseparable. jeno and jaemin are getting better at spending more time with me, they're rarely alone and always invite me to do something with them.

even though i said that they have been letting me hang out with them more i just feel that they have gotten somewhat closer than what they were before. sometimes when we would hang out they both would say they were going to the store to get snacks but would never let me go. i didn't know if i should worry about it or not, but i don't want them to think i don't trust them with anything again. i'm just trying to be more positive, i don't want to get myself upset over them just wanting some alone time, but sometimes i begin to wonder, why do they need alone time?

i hate to admit it but sometimes i think i am jealous, i am jealous of how close they can be at times, and i am especially jealous because the two people i like spend more time with each other than they do with me and even though i say i am fine, will i ever be?

there you go i admitted it, i like them both, maybe even love them both and it's killing me inside. i want to act like everything is okay but i feel like i can't when they won't even let me go to the store with them, and some nights won't even let me sleep in my own room. it seems like the moved out of jaemin's room this time and are staying in mine and jeno's room. it was fine when they would include me but now it sometimes leads to just kicking me out, i can't stand it. maybe i could ask haechan for some help, i helped him last time i don't think he would mind helping me now, we're really good friends.

i know mark was out today so haechan must be alone, a great time to talk to him when no one was in the house. i first walked into his room to see if he was there but unfortunately he wasn't, which only left that he was either in mark's room or the kitchen, but i'm going to say mark's room is the better guess here, and that's exactly where he was when i opened the door to his room. he was laying on mark's bed just watching some anime about swimming on his macbook. when he heard the door open and heard someone walk in though he paused the anime and looked up at me with a bit of confused look but still wore a smile.

(back at the conversations ayy lol, haechan bold, renjun italic)

"hello renjunnie did you need anything"

the smile that kept spreading across his face only made me a bit jealous that someone could feel this happy while i sit here and suffer in my "sadness".

"hello haechan, i was actually wondering if i could talk to you about something i guess you could say is serious, i just have no to talk to right now and you were the only one free, sorry if im a bother"

"renjun don't say such a thing, of course you could talk to me, you're on of my best friends, like a brother to me, come sit down and talk to me"

"okay so this might sound weird and unexpected but i need to talk about love right now, well i don't really know if you could call it love but i like someone or you could say two people and i don't know what to do"

"renjun, you like jeno and jaemin, its kind of obvious but that might just be me, anyway it's not weird at all to talk about this, you helped me so i'm here to help you, now explain everything, once you're done i will talk"

"okay so let me start, basically as you know i like jeno and jaemin, before i was depressed over how much time they had spent together but i talked it out with them and we started hanging out all together then and not leave anyone out, well recently i found out that the warmth i felt every time i cuddled with them or whenever i was just around them was feelings for them, and i can't control the blush that comes upon my face whenever the talk to me and they give me butterflies in my stomach all the time, i thought that finally i was becoming happy all thanks to them, but now i think i am becoming i guess you could say depressed again, they have started kicking me out of my own room to have alone time and same with going to the store for hours without asking me to join, and i understand they're "best friends" but they said they would include me is things but they have been falling behind on that, i just don't know what to do, i think i am jealous".

finally, i finished the rant of my feelings i have been holding back and i was so glad for haechan to allow me to tell him everything before it killed me.

"wow that was a lot, but i want to help my best friend, i know you love them but please don't let them make you upset, i and everyone else hates seeing you so down, especially me, you always brighten my mood and i look up to you all the time renjun. i don't want them to make you depressed and i see that what the are now starting to do is wrong but don't let those two brats ruin your mood they can be stupid sometimes. i'm glad you have come to accept your love for them, it's honestly the cutest and i fully support you, i think you should give them some time and give you self some time, and tell them how you feel about them, i am positive they like you back, they always blush and look at you with love in their eyes i can see it, i will be there for you when you tell them if you need me to".

"you're right haechan i can't beat myself up over this, and do you really think they like me? i want to tell them, maybe not now but a bit later i need to gain some confidence first, thanks for the help haechan"

"i know they like you for sure, and you're welcome, i am always here to help you renjun, i love you so much best friend"

"love you too haechannn"

as we finished up our talk or rant you could call it we heard the loud laughter of jaemin and jeno walking into the house, haechan looked at me with a smile and took my arm to lead me to the living room. when we got there it was a bit weird since everyone was also in the living room to. what was going on? we never are all in the same room at the same time, it must be something serious.

(imma try and do conversations lmao)

"haechan and renjun, nice of you to join come sit down jeno and jaemin have something to say" taeyong had announced as soon as we walked it. so haechan dragged me over to the couch which sat, mark, chenle, and jisung. jeno and jaemin stood at the front of the living room, in front of the tv. should i be nervous about what they have to say? probably.

"now that everyone is here, me and jeno would like to announce something, since jeno is too afraid to talk i will just say it, me and jeno are dating yay" jaemin said with a cheerful voice.

everyone began to cheer loudly, except for me and haechan, while haechan looked at me with a saddened face i just focused on the sound of my heart breaking into millions of pieces.

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sorry for my emo self, i literally have so much to get off my chest and i wanted to write it out and i somehow wrote 1500+ words, wow i'm proud of myself, sorry for making renjun emo with me lol, love you all ♡