diary ; jang wonyoung

diary entry #6

12.49am

it has been 5 days since my dad has called the police officer to get a better understanding on what was happening. it has also been 5 days since the police officer said that they will call as soon as possible to arrange a statement appointment.

i've been anxious. day by day, without fail, i sit on my study table, look up to the sky and communicate with god. i reflect deeply with god about my actions and made a lot of prayers.

you can call me someone who only goes to god if i need something but all i could do was to pray and wish for the minimum to happen. i don't know where else i can get reassured that everything's going to be okay. 

as someone who lived life with much more things to do other than sitting down in church and listening to lectures on life. i go to church on a weekly basis because of communion. moreover, my family is kinda religious and i have to go with them. i do admit that i do doze off at some times but at other times, these lectures really teaches me something i can take back home.

god's words really comforted me and even though i was still scared for the statement appointment to be arranged, i knew god was there.

the day soon came and my sister called me to inform me the appointment has been arranged to the next day.

the next day.

my legs were actually shaking at that point of time since i was outside and i was standing in the train. my mind went off to so many possibilities and scenarios that could happen the next day.

the next day. i have school to attend. i have a project outing to attend. but the statement appointment would get in the way. i mean i can come to school in the morning since the statement is in the afternoon but i might just faint thinking about what could happen and studying at the same time. 

"dad, can i stay at home tomorrow? i have a project outing in the afternoon and if i go to school tomorrow, i'll have to go to the outing." i asked my dad once i got home.

"okay dear" hearing dear just comforts me because that's probably the first time i hear him calling me that.

i sat on my table once again when my dad got out of the room. i looked up at the sky that is turning dark soon. and a tear drops down my eyes.

i hate it that i'm being like this. i created the problem but i'm the one crying right here. i'm the one worrying so much. i don't know why i got into this mess.

i couldn't help but cry at the fact that the statement is already tomorrow and it happened too fast. i didn't know if i could really face everything.

and i hate myself for that.

my eyes were soon a waterfall and my blouse looking like it just got out of the washing machine. 

i'm praying to all gods that there could ever be that everything would be okay.

and suddenly, in the middle of me praying, my dad comes in with my sister. i just couldn't get back to my normal state before they realize. my sister sat on my bed and my dad came up to me to give me the very first hug i can ever remember that i received from him. 

it was a brief moment but it sure brought me to be calmer. once i was calmer than i was when i hugged my dad, we started talking about the procedure tomorrow.

"just say the truth okay?" was all i remember from the whole hour we have been talking. my mind was really fogged up by the sudden increase of speed in this case.

i've read about so many cases and all the outcomes were not what i was expecting. i've read about money laundering and money mule. the outcomes of being of it really scares me because the outcomes were to a next level of my expectation that i would get. 

to be honest, i didn't even know what to expect because my mind is just running here and there trying to organize my entire brain but in reality, it's just messing the entire thing up.

i've told my best friend who lived 8525km away from me. she's as confused as me and she too has no idea of any outcomes but she reassures me that everything would be okay too. 

the day came to an end and i was soon asleep despite all the mess in my brain. i decided to just face everything tomorrow and tell the truth. either ways, whatever i say will be against or be with me so i have to say the truth to find out if they will be against or be with me.

[ hello guys! really sorry that i took long to update! just that i didn't had the motivation and time to write>< i was writing another diary entry a week ago on my computer but i guess it didn't sync into my phone so it was all erased. it was around 2-3 chapters worth of entry so i was kinda devastated about it :( but WHATEVER! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 1.2K READS OML I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS UWU!! ]