diary ; jang wonyoung

diary entry #1

10.56pm

2018 has come. the year i looked forward to for a better life experience. the past years has been so negative.

"you little bitch!" she throws the flower pot made of glass. just right on time, it landed on my forehead. a great slap. i walked away and blood started dripping off my forehead. i panicked. i really hate the sight of blood. but, it's on me and it's dripping down my face and passing through my eyes. the floor started to pool with my blood. i screamed for help. "there's blood what do i do?!" i called out. but none of my siblings from beside me stood up to check up on me. they just looked and continued doing their things.

it might not be the exact time, but that definitely caused me more depression. the feeling of unworthy. the feeling alone. that's what i felt. i thought siblings were always there but turns out, even if you're bleeding too much, they wouldnt give a shit about you.

just like what my teacher said "no one is truly your friend. they will leave you once you're in trouble"

i went to my room with all the blood and cleaned it up myself. i looked at the mirror and it was a big opening. i couldn't take the sight of the flesh but i'm alone and i have to do it. i took ice for myself and i went to sleep. even my mom didn't care as much when she got back home. it was really lonely and depressing.

im such a loser, no one cares for me.

"take this huh" she whacks the glass on my eye as i was laying down. have you ever felt that sting in your eye so suddenly? well, i felt that. i was crying out for help and no one was there to help. it was a silent night, that it drowned my screams for help. i went to sleep it off and got a blue black under my eye the next day i had to go to school. "what happened to your eye?" my teacher asks and i said it just appeared. i suck at lying. i tried so hard to conceal it but no makeup powers would hide the fact that i've been hit so hard.

and this, brought upon more depression onto me. i felt so worthless. why are people abusing me? why couldn't anyone hear my cries for help? why isn't there anyone to help me? why is there no one for me? just why.

that's why i hoped for 2018 to be better. but yet again, it's not that it's the same but it's worser.

just like every other beginnings, 2018's beginning was a great one. i got along with a lot of people and i loved the people around me.

but just like every other climaxes, 2018's climax was really a climax. police investigations, broken family relationship and friendship problems? what a great climax in just two months.

and i hope just like every other ending, it will be a happy ever after. but back to reality, things like prince charming or happy ever after doesn't come true. unless there's magic in this world.

well, that's how my year looked like. and i'm about to put it on detail.

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