756 days since Praimfaya.
I couldn't find the shadows.
Been doing this for a while. Trying to find the shadows, ever since then. I've scavenged through the forests around our village, but I saw nothing. Not even a flicker or a silhouette that'd tell me it was there. But it's not, it's gone, and I couldn't see or find anything. Couldn't find it.
And I hate, hate, HATE it especially after everything that's happened because I don't know if they're gone or lost or something or if it only existed in my head and they were never there in the first place.
But I know they're there. Because it must've been, because I know it's there because it's not possible that it's not, because of Carl and everything that's happened because I know, I know he wasn't lying about the trap, I know Clarke and Lexa didn't raid him either, I know what I saw and heard was true, what happened wasn't him or them but something else .
I'm sure of it. But what if it isn't? What if I'm wrong and he's actually lied to me and let me draw conclusions? What if they've lied too but don't wanna tell me? Maybe he's the one that did it all from the resources and the trap but didn't tell me about it. I don't know anything .
Can't be. Cause it's not true. They haven't lied, I'm not wrong, there's something else in there stirring it up all and I'm right because I have to be because they couldn't've DONE it!
I can't be wrong. I don't want to be wrong.
And I know what I saw. I think, I know, I saw the shadows. There's something else out there.
It's there. It's gotta be.
...
''I'm bored!'' Madi muffled out as she gazed up to Clarke and Lexa, swaying impatiently, as they packed up their resources for what was probably the millionth time of the day, for some reason. Sure they were running low, and there were admittedly less resources than there probably should've been, but still. Lexa really didn't need to have to insist on spending the entire hour sorting out and counting their resources again. ''Can you give me somethin' to do?''
''Help out,'' Lexa said, moving a very empty bag to the side, as Madi sighed irritably.
''Not that!'' she said, and when that was met with a fixed glare from both Clarke and Lexa, she shut up.
''F-fine,'' Madi mumbled out, and shuffled to help them. Oh well. The faster I finish this, the faster they finish it, and the faster they finish it, the faster we get to go out hunting and MAYBE fighting...
...
743 days since Praimfaya.
Lexa's been fighting more. Training. Sometimes I see her fight and I get scared because it's so, so surreal. Cause she does it so casually and like the blades were just extensions of her hands, and if fighting's an art then she would be taking home first prize, because Spirits how does she DO IT?! But she fights like she's angry, like there's somebody she hates that she's hitting and not a straw dummy.
I've asked Clarke about it. She was quiet for a moment and her eyes moved away from me and she knelt down to meet my eyes and said something about her letting it all out. Something about her being angry at something but she wouldn't tell me what that something was.
But everytime when she's finished, usually after me and Clarke come back from spear-fishing, she's back to normal. Like small smiles and slight jokes at all. And when we eat around the campfire and talk the light's back in her eyes, it's like she was never angry at all.
I try not to think about it a lot, but it's there on my mind.
...
762 days since Praimfaya.
